"you're pregnant?! well, here's the one thing i'll tell you..."

Though other people noticing I'm pregnant and asking about my pregnancy is usually fun, there's always that comment that I just smile and nod at. Here are a few:

Awesome advice:

• Don't sleep during the night at all the week before the baby's born, only during the day
• Put your child in your bed; it's the only way she'll sleep
• Don't ever let your child sleep in your bed; you'll never get her out
• Pretend to have weird cravings even if you don't actually have them because it's the only time in your life you can get away with it
• "The only thing that prevents stretch marks is [vitamin E, cocoa butter, tons of water, massages]"

Comments about the size of my belly:

• "You're so tiny, I didn't even realize you were pregnant!"
• "I knew someone who had twins who was smaller than you."
• "You're finally really pregnant!" (from someone at church, once I started showing)

Assumptions about how I must be feeling:

• "Judging by your size, you must just be getting to that really easy part of pregnancy."
• "...of course, you're so healthy and little, that must be no problem for you." (from someone telling me they felt fat during pregnancy)
• To Sam: "Been making a lot of late-night-craving runs lately?"

Things I'm assumed to know, but really have no clue about:

• Braxton-Hicks contractions
• What happens during the whole labor process
• How and when to breast-feed
• The "first" time I felt the baby move (more like it took a couple weeks to figure out Feeling A is gas, Feeling B is baby moving)

Comments from students where I'm substitute teaching:

• "You've got a little pudge!" --7th grader
  
• "My mom just had a baby. She was huge and mad, all the time." --9th grader
• "You're six months pregnant?! When I had my baby, I was that big at four months. She's almost two now!" --10th grader
• "Are you growing a baby in your tummy?" --1st grader