Wednesday, March 09, 2011

the funk, the haze, a general malaise

Depression? I certainly don't think so. I've been through that before, and this is not that bad. I've just got this general feeling of discontent. Like somethings not quite right and I can't tell what it is. I'm certain spring and getting outside will help assuage this feeling.

In the meantime, I've spent lots of time counting my blessings, trying to stay on the sunny side. When I get in a funk, I have trouble sleeping so I have lots of time to think... (...hazy, sleep-deprived thoughts). My kids are healthy, cute, happy, and love to learn. They love each other. They love me. Sam's working hard and does all he can to help at home. I've got good books and food. I'm healthy. I've got opportunities to grow and stretch and learn that keep my mind and spirit active. When I think of these things I am truly, humbly, so so grateful to God who makes them so.

When pangs of lonliness hit today, I called a dear, dear friend and almost-grandmother to my children. It brought me out of the slump for a few hours. And my various creations keep my hands busy and give me little jolts of accomplishment.

Still, there's always that something pushing its way in, elbowing out my patience and goodwill and inviting in all sorts of doubt and selfishness, pulling me in the wrong directions.

So, I guess this is just to say, I'm trudging, and pulling back, and hopefully I'll find some solid ground soon.

8 comments:

Marci said...

I go through bouts of that too and I do think the weather plays a HUGE part in it! I told Mike I had seasonal depression from our few weeks of Texas cold :-). Hang in there, you're amazing!

lovintheempteenest said...

My heart feels for you . . . Your attitude is great . . keep pushing through the haze and malaise.

Karen Ahlstrom said...

I am so there with you Heather! I find I have very little patience with Lizbeth, and it takes a lot of willpower to make myself play with her -- so it doesn't always happen. And Bridget has a ear infection, so even though we're no quarrantined for contagion, I still can't leave the house when she wants to take 4 hour naps. Here's to warm weather and healthy children!

Marc and Miriam Deru said...

Just yesterday I thought of you and how much I admire your ability to do so much with life. You seem to have a very happy balance between taking care of home and family and growing yourself (reading, exercising, creating). When I get into a funk, the best things for me are to get to work, help someone out, or simply get outside. I'm sure that even in Boston, spring WILL come soon! :)

rusted sun said...

I wish I could be there with you. Sitting down fora good chat with a friend always helped me. Those kitchen table chats you and I had made all the difference during those many months that I felt overwhelmed with life and motherhood.
I hope the sun will soon shine in Boston. In the meantime know that there are many who love and care for you, and who have been grateful receivers of your love, all over the world.

gremhog susan.hatch@gmail.com said...

the devil hates happiness. know the source and then it's a bit easier to chase it away...a bit.

Katie Primm said...

I hope you're out of your funk now. And if not - nothing cures my funks better than a pint of ice cream and an old musical :)

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Great attitude, Heather. I know from experience...it's not easy! You're doing great! Oh, and your kids will have so much fun sharing a room!!!