letting go

Oh how I wish I could do this a little more often. It's so hard! This little rectangle of black plastic is just so tempting. I must pray every single day, often several times a day, to have the power to withstand opening it up and taking a peek, which will inevitably turn into a long, dazed stare. I'm sure I'm addicted.

But those moments when I can resist-- they're so pure! so joyful! so heart-bursting full with love for this brilliant, crazy, loving child and the baby who is sitting there smiling at me. Of course, they're just moments and when that loving, crazy child gets frustrated because she can't put her backpack on by herself, she throws a fit and whatever else is within reach (I just had to laugh at the throwing, Lizzie. That is my life.) and I want to slink back into my safe, whine-free, little box. But that just leaves me feeling guilty for abandoning the little peanut who just wants Mommy to play with her.

I try to keep busy with other things to avoid blank time that I can fill with the internet and try to savor that feeling of accomplishment when I fill an hour with laundry or sewing a dress or cooking a yummy meal (or all three! look at me!) instead of frittering it away on craft blogs (so much less satisfying that actually crafting...)

I guess it's just another weakness that I get to turn into a strength. Oh please Lord, make it turn a little faster.

PS. That link is from The Mother Runner, a blog my friend Lizzie writes. As she puts it, it combines motherhood, running, and good writing-- three of my favorite things. If you've got any interest in any of those things, I highly recommend checking it out.