I gave this talk in sacrament meeting on Sunday. I rewrote/rehashed it 3 times. Sam had the flu and was sleeping about 14 hours out of every 24, so the kids watched a lot of netflix this weekend as I reworked on it. I was pleased with how it turned out.
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I think this is the first time I’ve been asked to speak on a topic that’s not found anywhere in the standard works. Neither tolerance, tolerant, nor tolerate is found in the King James Version of the Bible or in any other LDS scripture. Of course, the idea and practice of tolerance is found in many stories in the scriptures, but the word itself is not found in the translation we use. Because of that, I felt I had so much flexibility in how I wanted to approach this topic. I think this is the first time I’ve ever complained to Sam of not having enough time to give a talk. After many false starts, I decided I want to talk about these four main points.
...
I think this is the first time I’ve been asked to speak on a topic that’s not found anywhere in the standard works. Neither tolerance, tolerant, nor tolerate is found in the King James Version of the Bible or in any other LDS scripture. Of course, the idea and practice of tolerance is found in many stories in the scriptures, but the word itself is not found in the translation we use. Because of that, I felt I had so much flexibility in how I wanted to approach this topic. I think this is the first time I’ve ever complained to Sam of not having enough time to give a talk. After many false starts, I decided I want to talk about these four main points.
1. Tolerance is uncomfortable
2.
Tolerance is a stepping stone to love
3.
Tolerance is exemplified by the Savior
4.
Tolerance must be practiced with the guidance of
the Spirit
Before I get to these ideas, I want to start in the
scriptures. Though it’s not in the King James Version, the word “tolerance” is
used in at least one modern translation of the Bible.[i]
The New American Standard Bible uses the word “tolerance” in Ephesians 4:2 and
Romans 2:4. In the King James Version, the same word is translated in both
verses as “forbearance” and, when you look up “tolerance” in the Topical Guide,
the first word it directs you to is “forbear.” Let me read how forbearance is
used in Ephesians 4 for you:
1 I therefore, the prisoner
of the Lord [this is Paul speaking], beseech you that ye
walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
Unity, Paul says, or being Zion—of one heart and one
mind—happens when we treat one another with longsuffering, forbearance, and
love. Isn’t it interesting that he didn’t say we’d have unity when we all agree
with each other? Or when no one gets on your nerves? Or when we all vote for
the same person? An essential part of the gospel of Christ is becoming one with
people we have to tolerate.
So here’s point number 1. Tolerance is uncomfortable
On September 11, 2011, the 10th anniversary of
the attack on the World Trade Center, Elder Dallin H. Oaks quoted President
Hinckley who said, “’Each of us is part of a great family, the human
family, sons and daughters of God, and therefore brothers and sisters. We must
work harder to build mutual respect, an attitude of forbearance, with tolerance
one for another regardless of the doctrines and philosophies which we may
espouse.’” Elder Oaks then continued, “Living together
with mutual respect for one another’s differences is a challenge in today’s world.
However—and here I express [an] …absolute truth—this living with differences is
what the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us we must do.”[ii]
The very definition of tolerance is to withstand something
unpleasant or painful. However, it is also the second great commandment: to
love our neighbors, even the annoying neighbors, even the neighbors we don’t
understand, even the neighbors we fear, as ourselves.
As I studied this injunction in the New Testament, I learned something that was new to me. While in Matthew and Mark, it's Jesus who declares the two greatest commandments, in Luke, it’s the scribe
who answers, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and
with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy
neighbour as thyself.” Then Jesus “said unto him, Thou hast answered right:
this do, and thou shalt live.”[iii]
This was surprising to me since I'd always thought of loving your neighbor as one of the revolutionary parts of the gospel Christ was bringing to the people. So how did the scribe know this answer? Where in the law, or
what we call now, the scriptures did he read it?
The answer is in Leviticus, where the Law of Moses is
codified. Leviticus 19:17 and 18 says “Thou shalt not hate thy brother in
thine heart… Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear
any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy
neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.” From the very
beginning, the Lord has taught tolerance. But he doesn’t just command us to
love our brothers and neighbors, he extends that love to strangers, which bears
out in the New Testament when the scribe in Luke asks “who is my neighbor?” and the Lord goes on the
give the parable of the good Samaritan.
But back to Leviticus. Later in the same chapter, the
children of Israel are taught, “33 And if a stranger sojourn with
thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. 34 But the stranger that
dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou
shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of
Egypt: I am the Lord your God.” Not only does the Lord
command the Israelites to welcome and care for the strangers in their midst, He
also shares a way to overcome the discomfort obeying that commandment will
cause. To do so, He says, you should remember that you, too, were once a
stranger. Today, we’d call this having empathy.
But why does dealing with strangers and foreigners cause
discomfort? In an article in the Ensign, Ann M. Madsen suggests “that it’s
because of …differences. We separate ourselves from others by the differences
we see. We feel comfortable with those who dress like we do, think like we do,
and act like we do; and we feel uncomfortable with those who are different.”
However, physical differences, age, and culture, are among differences that,
she says, “don’t matter at all and should
never divide us.”
I broke a cultural convention today and wore my best pants
as a sort of object lesson. Let me share a few stories about pants, and in
doing so, move on to point number 2. Tolerance
is a stepping stone to love.
The first is about when I was on study abroad in London. It
took us about an hour and a half to tube, bus, and tram to our ward in South
London. Since I was there in the winter, I’d often wear pants under my skirt to
keep warm from the wind. One day before church started a sister commented on
how cold and windy it was that day. “Yes!” I said, “I just slipped off the
pants I had under my skirt to keep warm.” It was as I took in her shocked
expression that I remembered that “pants” in the UK means underwear. Thankfully
this kind sister was tolerant of my cultural mishap and laughed off the
embarrassment with me.
The second story is about my friend Alisa who participated
in the first “Wear Pants to Church Day” in 2012. Her family was living in New
Zealand at the time and were traveling with her husband for work. Lonnie, her
husband had taken the car to work, so Alisa arrived at a ward where no one knew
them, a little late in a taxi, with three young children, no husband, and
wearing pants.
Alisa says, “The [only] other woman who was also wearing
pants had a sweet seven year old son with autism who had kept Max and Maya
happy…. The woman was a recent convert to the church, having been
baptized when her husband, who was less active, had begun attending church
services again.
“When I told her I liked her pants she said that it was all she had to wear. I told her that it was only cultural that women traditionally wear dresses to church and that she should feel confident that she looked great and was perfectly dressed for church. I was happy to be wearing pants if only to let her know that she wasn't the only one wearing pants that Sunday.
“It was a good experience to feel for the day what someone might feel like coming to church as a bit of an outsider. There is a real strength in gaining a perspective on what others might feel.”[iv]
“When I told her I liked her pants she said that it was all she had to wear. I told her that it was only cultural that women traditionally wear dresses to church and that she should feel confident that she looked great and was perfectly dressed for church. I was happy to be wearing pants if only to let her know that she wasn't the only one wearing pants that Sunday.
“It was a good experience to feel for the day what someone might feel like coming to church as a bit of an outsider. There is a real strength in gaining a perspective on what others might feel.”[iv]
The last story comes from Clayton M. Christensen’s book, The
Power of Everyday Missionaries. He writes, “On one Sunday Sister Virginia
Perry, whose husband, L. Tom Perry, was president of the Boston Stake, noticed
a woman who had quietly found a space on the back row in the Weston chapel,
having arrived a few minutes late for sacrament meeting. She was wearing jeans
and a T-shirt and had come on her motorcycle. Sister Perry quickly sensed that
the woman felt that she didn’t fit in. Everyone else was wearing their Sunday
best and was sitting with their families. So Sister Perry left her family
alone, went to the back pew, and asked the visitor if she would mind if she sat
beside her. When the woman smiled in the affirmative, Sister Perry put her arm
around her. The next Sunday Sister Perry came to church wearing Levi’s and a
T-shirt.”[v]
Tolerance is the stepping stone to love. When we look past
our differences and overcome our discomfort, we begin to love the people we
used to tolerate. None of these stories is really about wearing pants to
church. They’re about challenging our own cultural perceptions in order to help
others feel welcome, comfortable, and loved in our presence and in our church
services.
This brings us to the third point. Tolerance is exemplified by the Savior.
The Savior did this over and over again. He baffled the
scribes, Pharisees, and Sadducees by breaking social convention time and again
in order to bring His message and His love to everyone He could. He ate with publicans and sinners.[vi]
He healed the lepers.[vii]
He praised the faithful Roman Centurian.[viii]
He revealed His divinity to the Samaritan woman at the well.[ix]
As I try to be like Him, I hope I can dismiss the differences that don’t matter
and embrace the people who do.
However, there was some behavior the Savior could not
tolerate. Elder Oaks explained it this way. “While we must practice tolerance and respect
for others and their beliefs, including
their constitutional freedom to explain and advocate their positions, we are
not required to respect and tolerate wrong behavior. Our duty to truth requires us to seek
relief from some behavior that is wrong.” When the Savior found the money
changers in the temple, He drove them out with a scourge.[x]
He would not tolerate the defiling of the temple.
Christ understood the perfect balance
between what Elder Oaks called, “the twin ideas of truth and tolerance.” Elder Oaks recalls,
“When He faced the woman taken in adultery, Jesus spoke the comforting words of
tolerance: ‘Neither do I condemn thee.’ Then, as He sent her away, He spoke the
commanding words of truth: ‘Go, and sin no more’ (John 8:11). We should all be edified and
strengthened by this example of speaking both tolerance and truth: kindness in
the communication, but firmness in the truth.”
This
brings me to my final point. Tolerance
must be practiced with the guidance of the Spirit.
One of my earlier points was that tolerance is a stepping
stone to love. Tolerance for different opinions and cultural
practices can lead us to love God’s children and bring unity to neighborhoods,
churches, and communities. Tolerance for sin, however can lead us to love sin.
We must rely on the Spirit to help us know the difference.
In
speaking about tolerance “in our personal relations” with those whose beliefs
and behavior differ from our own, Elder Oaks advises that our “[decisions] can
depend on how directly we are personally affected by it.” We must be careful to
avoid self-righteousness and judgment when we see others choose to live differently
than we do. Joseph Smith taught us: “It is the doctrine of the
devil to …hinder our progress, by filling us with self-righteousness. The
nearer we get to our Heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with
compassion on perishing souls.” “Nothing is so much calculated to lead people
to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with
tenderness.”[xi]
When we see our
friends or family sinning, let us, like the father of the prodigal son, treat
them with tenderness, invite them to come home, and rejoice when they choose to
do so.
Here’s another rule
of thumb for acting wisely with tolerance. Recently, in articles or blog posts
advocating for greater tolerance, I’ve heard the same phrase used again and
again. It goes something like this, “Let us be known for what we do, rather
than what we don’t do.” I like this this little phrase because while it
acknowledges that there are things we will not and cannot tolerate, we would be
better served by focusing our time and energy on doing good wherever and to
whomever we can.
Sharon Eubank is
the director of LDS Charities which provides millions of dollars to serve over
a million people globally each year providing clean water, disaster relief,
vaccinations, and more. If there’s anyone who has to make difficult decisions
about how to do the most good each day, it’s her. Last year, she suggested that
rather than worrying “about things that are less significant,” we should ask
ourselves, “Where
should I be spending my energy and my intellectual curiosity and what should I
be worrying about?”[xii] Acting on the personal revelation we receive
in answer to this question will help us become a people known for the good that
we do.
Finally, let us practice tolerance with people we
already love in our home. Nowhere are we better able to learn the virtues of
patience, forbearance, and longsuffering, than in our relationships with our
family who sometimes seem to be uniquely chosen for their ability to drive us
crazy. Yet nowhere have I felt greater joy than when I sit with one of my
children and we apologize to each other, reaffirm our love for each other, and
begin to laugh again.
Just this past week, Elder Oaks gave another speech
on tolerance at the Second Annual Court/Clergy Conference in Sacramento. Though
he was speaking about political differences, I think his advice is sound for
families as well. He says, “It will help if we are not led or unduly influenced
by the extreme voices that are heard from contending positions. Extreme voices
polarize and create resentment and fear by emphasizing what is nonnegotiable
and by suggesting that the desired outcome is to disable the adversary and
achieve absolute victory. Such outcomes are rarely attainable and never
preferable to living together in mutual understanding and peace.” Let us not
let being right stand in the way of peace and harmony in the family.
May
the fruits of the Spirit of God—love, joy, peace, gentleness,
goodness, and longsuffering tolerance[xiii]—be
abundant in our lives as we try to live in understanding and peace is my hope
and prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
[i]
New American Standard Bible Eph 4:2, Romans 2:4 https://www.blueletterbible.org/search/search.cfm?Criteria=tolerance&t=NASB#s=s_primary_0_1
[ii]
“Truth and Tolerance”, Elder Dallin H. Oaks
CES Devotional for Young Adults • September 11, 2011 •
Brigham Young University
[iii]
Luke 10:25-28
[iv]
“pants to church” blog post by Alisa Mercer, personal friend.
[v] p.
139, “The Power of Everyday Missionaries: The What and How of Missionary Work”
by Clayton M. Christensen
[vi]
Luke 5:27-31
[vii]
Luke 17:11-19
[viii]
Matthew 8:5-13
[ix] John
4
[x] John
2:13-17
[xi] Teachings
of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith, Salt Lake City: Deseret
Book Co., 1977, p. 241, p. 240.
[xii] “This
Is a Woman’s Church”, Sharon Eubank, director, LDS Charities
2014 FairMormon Conference, August 8, 2014
[xiii]
Galations 5:22
