Cosbys in Cambridge

a sentence

2012-01-22T10:49:00.003-06:00

Levi said a whole sentence today! (other than "Iant ____" which means "I want _____)

It was "I....ahh done.... chee-ohs"

Way to go, little buddy!

Addendum:

Today (a day later) Sam told me that Levi said, "Iant...moh (more) ...Kix" at breakfast. Apparently our boy is extremely motivated by breakfast cereals.

He must be part Stay....

my new favorite blog

2012-01-21T13:46:00.002-06:00

Why did I even write all that stuff about change when Ms. Melton sums it up so nicely? It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who suffers from Mommy Guilt no matter what. Though also disappointing- because if it's that universal, it's probably also not checking out of the Cosby household any time soon.

And for those of you who are not mommies and could care less about all this struggling to figure out how to be a mommy, I apologize. It's just what I happen to be thinking about. Every day.

the new blankie

2012-01-20T14:02:00.005-06:00

When I asked Anna what she wanted for Christmas, she said she wanted a new blankie. I was a little wary at first since she had a perfectly good blanket already that topped all other blankies, so would she even actually like another one? In the end I decided that I needed to A) trust her and B) make it really cute so she'd have to like it.

Here's the end result:

Last minute I decided to embroider her hand on there, so on Christmas Eve, I crept into her room while she slept and traced her hand on a piece of paper. (She didn't wake up.) Then, as Sam and I watched parts 2 and 3 of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, I finished tying the quilt, embroidering the hand, and pinning and sewing the binding. I finished at 2 AM.

Here is her Christmas morning reaction:

Anna immediately wanted to snuggle with it on my lap, which is the true test of a good blankie. Since Christmas, it has made forts, tunnels, tents, quieted baby doll beds, had a snotty nose wiped on it, and even been thrown up on. It's thoroughly broken in and thoroughly loved-- which makes it all worth it.

poor economics

2012-01-12T15:01:00.002-06:00

I posted this on goodreads, but McKay asked about it in the comments of the blog post I mention in the review, so I thought I'd post it here too to answer his question:

I mentioned this book on my blog here, and now I've finally read it!

I'll admit I was a little disappointed that the book wasn't as detailed as her lecture on the actual experiments the Poverty Action Lab has been involved in. There was much more on larger picture topics and brief summaries of experiments and how they contributed to the dialogue on how to address that particular topic within development circles.

That said, it was still a fascinating read and I felt like it's been the best thing I've read to help me catch a vision of what life is like for the international poor- those living on less than $.99 per day. (If you want to shed some light on what life is like for the poor in America, I'd suggest Nickle and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich or Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage by Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas.)

Here's the thing that just drives me crazy when I read about/think about the poor: the little inconveniences and set backs they face. I mean, the little things that can ruin MY day, like not being able to get in to see the doctor that day, or a fee I wasn't expecting, or a price hike on my favorite yogurt, are the kinds of things that determine whether or not the poor get to EAT that day, or whether they'll be able to keep their business open. And those inconveniences are in addition to all the work the poor have to do to make the right choices for their welfare that we take for granted. For instance, they have to chlorinate their own water- every time they want to drink it or cook with it- if you forget, you can get water-borne diseases which can give you diarrhea which kills millions of children every year. They have to make an effort to buy iodized salt. They can't eat fortified cereals every morning, so getting adequate micronutrients is a chore. There's no social welfare program (like social security) to back you up, and banks are essentially inaccessible to the poor. When they can manage to save money, they have to use their (now very limited) supply of self-discipline to not spend it. It's so unfair that it makes my insides wriggle.

However, this book was full of relatively easy, simple, and inexpensive ways to ameliorate those inconveniences. Like putting cheap chlorine dispensers next to the public water source, or subsidizing iodized and iron rich salt, or simple information campaigns with usable information ("Sex with older men is more likely to give you HIV" decreased the number of high school girls who had sex, got pregnant, dropped out of school, and contracted HIV compared with the control group.) Deworming children, at the cost of about $1.50 per child per year, increased their average yearly wage by the 10's of percents.

Banajerjee and Duflo propose focusing on these small forms of assistance and little nudges towards making the right decision rather than trying to find some large-scale magic bullet to eradicate poverty. Let's get this generation a little healthier and a little more educated, and get some simple policies in place and then we'll be a little step higher for the next generation. I found it hard to disagree. They often mention Jeffrey Sachs and his book "The End of Poverty" (which is currently on my bookshelf) as an opposing view. I'm curious to see what Sachs has to say.

Also, here's the word on microcredit, according to Banjerjee and Duflo. It's great for giving small loans to the poor to run small businesses. However, many of these businesses fail because so many of their neighbors go into the same business and there's not enough demand. Microcredit loans do not encourage risk-taking (and bigger businesses mean bigger risks) since most loans have to start to be repaid only a week after taking out the loan, and the other debtors in your lending group don't want you to do anything to jeopardize their ability to make a payment. Microcredit loans aren't usually practical for educational purposes (like a tuition payment) since you may or may not have the money to start paying it back a week later. In studies they did, they found microcredit users purchased more consumer goods, but didn't spend much more on education or health. Essentially, they say, microcredit loans are a way for the poor to ensure they have a job, which is no small thing, and is a useful service, but it's not a cure-all for poverty.

a perfect summary

2012-01-07T14:32:00.003-06:00

Don't you love it when someone else says exactly what you mean to say, and says it well? I do.

Here's a wonderful lesson on NOT loving every minute, and still being a great mom.

Thanks to Kristy for sharing this on pinterest and my sister-in-law Lesli via email.

cosby family christmas card

2012-01-02T15:38:00.004-06:00

I only sent out 40 Christmas cards this year. Of those, half went to family members. As such, few of our friends received a Christmas card/letter from us. So here's our letter, and the photos from our card, and our wish to you of a Merry Christmas and Happy and Peaceful New Year.

These beautiful photos were taken in April by my friend and cousin-in-law, Megan of We See Love Photography. As you can see, she is incredibly talented. I have been kicking myself for 5 years that I didn't think to hire her for our wedding. If you are in the Nevada/SoCal/Utah region of the country, you need to hire her. You will not only love your photos, but you will love how much fun you have while taking them. Sam actually said, "That's the first time I haven't hated getting our pictures taken." High praise, my friends, high praise. Now on to the letter.

"Sam started the LGO program at MIT in June. He is getting an MBA and an MS in Chemical Engineering. It was a bit of an adjustment to go back to school after 4 years of working, but Sam handled it gracefully. We were all happy when we moved to Cambridge in August so he didn't have to commute an hour each way to and from school. Since moving, Sam has been even busier with a heavy class load, but he did well in all his classes. Despite all his work at school, Sam has been a wonderfully supportive husband and playful father for which we're all grateful. In his little spare time, Sam read the Elantris series by Brandon Sanderson, played a duet with me at church, and fixed our computer. We also managed to fit in some fun and creative date nights.

"Living in Cambridge confirmed that I love city life! It's been fun taking the kids to museums, parks, book festivals, street fairs, and more free events than we can fit in. Since moving here, I've been involved in teaching Anna's Joy School class, a women’s discussion group, lunches with friends, lectures, and a kickboxing class. Despite the construction noise, water outages, expensive laundry, crazy heating system, and the rat problem, we love living in student family housing where there are lots of moms to talk to and trade babysitting with and friends to meet on the playground. At church, I'm on the community service committee, I sing in and play for the choir, and I have a spiritual feast each week in my classes. Cambridge is full of interesting and talented people and it's exciting to get to know so many of them.

"Anna is now 3 1/2 and loves to read books, make "crafts" (anything involving paper, scissors, glue, and stickers), sing songs, dress up, and make up stories. Anna and I make a good team as she helps with laundry, cleaning up after herself, cooking, and reading to Levi. She loved going to Joy School this year and made some great friends. Sometimes she surprises me with her kindness to them (and us). Anna always makes us laugh with the silly things she thinks up. Often I can’t believe how she’s grown from a baby to this imaginative little girl, but it’s fun all the same.

"Levi is 21 months and is a ball of little boy energy. Levi loves to wrestle, tickle, and chase more than anything in the world. He also loves digging in the dirt, playing with balls and trucks, and singing or dancing to music. Every single time Levi sees a bus, he shouts "BUUSSSSS!-- out his window, from the car, in a quiet McDonalds, in a quieter library, and an even quieter church meeting. That boy loves buses. He also loves making a mess. My favorite moments with Levi are when he will snuggle on my lap and read a book or sing a song with me.

"We're all excited to be moving to Thousand Oaks, CA early next year for Sam's six-month internship with Amgen. We're looking forward to a warm winter, beaches, visits from grandparents and siblings, and a chance to experience life on the opposite coast. For now we're enjoying the excitement of our two little children at Christmas. We love our Savior and feel overwhelmed by the love and guidance we have received from Him this year.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with love,
Heather, Sam, Anna, and Levi Cosby"

beantown

2011-12-18T13:36:00.014-06:00

One of the best things about Sam being at MIT is getting to live so close to Boston. We can easily walk or bike into the city on nice days, or take the free shuttle from our housing complex to the T station and take a short train ride wherever we want to go. Here are a few of the adventures we've had in Cambridge and Boston this semester.

Fenway Alliance Open Our Doors Day- October 10

A bunch of museums, universities, libraries, and churches in the Fenway/Back Bay area of Boston had a Saturday where everything was free. We walked over the the Christian Science Plaza (this is like the Christian Science Temple Square) and listened to music, walked in a little parade, drew with chalk, watched glass blowing, got free balloons, art supplies, and cupcakes (from kick@$$ cupcakes- my new favorites). This portion ended with a live performance of The Boston Song from the NEC students who wrote it. We got a free CD of it so we can sing along. SO GOOD! SO GOOD!

Over in the Mary Baker Eddy library, there was live music from NEC students, Halloween crafts for the kids (Anna made a spooky bat), the Mapparium- which was really cool to go inside, and face painting. This is the first time Anna's ever gone through with face painting, though we've stood in line before. She was SO EXCITED about it and it was super cute to see. Sam did some more chalk with the kids while I took a little tour of the First Church of Christ Scientist, or Mother Church, which was interesting. We finished up with lunch at P.F. Changs and walked two very sleepy kids back home.

The guy in the wheel chair is Sidewalk Sam who is a chalk artist and he would roll around commenting on all the kids' pictures.

Elephants on Parade- October 11

The circus came to Boston and the train parked on the tracks right behind Westgate. We heard they paraded the elephants from their parking spot to the circus arena in Boston, so a few minutes before they were supposed to leave, I loaded the kids up and headed to Mass Ave to watch them go by. Once I got there, I met up with a friend who informed us they had passed by 10 minutes earlier and were on their way up Memorial. Not having anything better to do, I started walking after them. Once I hit Memorial (about a half mile walk) and could see the line of cars behind them, I started running-- in my jeans and ballet flats. I ran as fast as I could for a mile and still hadn't caught up with them. Once I hit the Longfellow Bridge I decided if I couldn't see them, I'd turn around. Well, a little flash of elephant tail caught my eye, so I hauled the double stroller down a flight of stairs backwards, ran under the bridge, sprinted across four lanes of traffic and ran another quarter mile to catch up with the elephants. Thankfully, my kids were appropriately excited enough to help me forget about the blister on my foot just be glad I got to enjoy the sunny fall day making my kids happy. Here's our evidence we actually made it. Next year we're leaving 1/2 hour early.

Anna liked how the elephants held trunks and tails to stay safe while crossing the street.

Boston Book Festival- October 15

Sam had a midterm to study for, so he drove me and the kids to the Boston Public Library for the festival and went home. This ended up being a really great event for us and the kids had a great time. First, we went to see the Very Hungry Caterpillar. He was certainly one BIG fat caterpillar. The kids were very excited to see him and touch his fuzzy back and give him high 5. After he came, they colored pictures until Curious George came! They were a little less enthusiastic about George, so not long after, we left to see the rest of the library. The Boston Public Library main branch is beautiful with an atrium and fountain in the middle. Anna ran around it for a long time while Levi splashed in the water.

Anna got so many compliments on this outfit that she's wearing that she's worn it almost once a week since and calls it her "library outfit"

After we visited the children's room and read some books, we went out to Copley Square to complete their little passport book. We visited different vendors, publishers, and organizations and got stamps at each stop. The stamps spelled out a word when you were done and Anna wowed all the vendors by telling them a word that started with the letter they had stamped. After all our visits, we ended up with 3 free books, a recordable microphone toy, free candy, some yogurt that we ate for a snack, tons of stickers, a tiny harmonica, a few little crafts, and a high five from the Cat in the Hat! We also learned about this great website, www.wegivebooks.org. It has stories for you to read free to your kids online, and every time you complete a book, it donates books to children all over the world. There's no downside! It's just awesomeness.

Head Of The Charles Regatta- October 22

While Anna went to Kate's princess birthday party (where she got a new tutu, magic wand, and her first experience with eyeshadow), Sam, Levi, and I biked down to the Weeks bridge by Harvard to watch The Charles Regatta which is a huge two-day rowing event. The start was actually right by the Boston University Boathouse that sits at the end of our street, so we got to see all the boats lining up and taking off at the cue of a guy on a dock with a bullhorn (I'm sure this guy has an official name, but I don't know it). I liked watching the teams the best because you could her the coxswain shouting out commands and the team members grunting and pulling together. Down by the Weeks bridge there were all sorts of vendors and lots of free samples of organic everything so we all had a nice snack :) Sam ran into some friends from BYU who are at HBS right now and it was nice to see them.
We came back when Anna's party was ending and went inside to have lunch. On our way up the stairs, Anna proclaimed, "Tutu, I love you!"

The crowd (and Harvard behind)

The Rowers

Spooky Sloan and Westgate Trick or Treating- Halloween

The Sloan Business School here at MIT throws an amazing Halloween party for all the children of Sloan students and faculty. They had snacks and goody bags while everyone got together and then we followed monster footprints all over the school for trick-or-treating and fun toys. It all ended with a pizza and cookie dinner. Anna was in heaven to have so much fun with her friends Kate and Kayla AND have Daddy there AND get to ride the bus home (Levi liked that part, too).

Levi did NOT want to wear his bat ears (really they are piggie ears promoting Mo Willems Elephant and Piggie books from the Boston book festival, but colored over in black, they made good bat ears)...

...so we bribed him by letting him watch Baby Signing Time. Cutest baby Batman EVER.

comparing bags

Friends are fun, but even more fun is...

...DADDY!

Just before Halloween, there was trick-or-treating here at Westgate. Levi stayed home and passed out candy with Sam until he went to sleep while I took Anna out to trick-or-treat. She told everyone about being a ballerina fairy princess and was pretty good about saying "trick or treat!" She simply could not believe that there is actually a day where she's supposed to dress like a princess and get candy at every door you knock on. She was so crazy happy that not long after we got home and inspected her loot, she broke down in tears and had to be carried to bed. It's tough being a kid sometimes :)

The Boston Museum of Science- November 8
Our ward has a little playgroup that meets on Wednesdays at various parks and playgrounds, but occasionally we'll go to a museum or on a big outing. It was fun to get in for free on friends' passes. Anna liked playing with the jointed skeleton and playing with some matching and texture toys in the kids room. Levi liked the water table and kid sized birds nest. They both liked this giant light brite.
After lunch we went upstairs with Anna's friend Lily and the girls played on a playground physics exhibit racing lights down a track, swinging on swings (of various lengths to learn about pendulums), and spinning with the bike wheel gyroscope until it was time to go home.

Ice Skating on the Frog Pond- Dec 10
Sam and I did this for our date night. I got a coupon for skipping the line, so we got right in, and started skating. I went ice skating a lot in high school and every time I've gone since I remember why I enjoy it so much. During the zamboni run, we got some free hot chocolate that came with my coupon and then skated some more. It was the perfect winter activity!

Merry Christmas from Boston!

the holts

2011-12-08T22:25:00.004-06:00

I'm getting my Christmas cards ready and of course it got me thinking about my Grandpa Roly. He would sit at his beautiful and impeccably organized desk and write out Christmas cards to every single member of his family. He did this on birthdays too and his cards were never late. I always looked forward to Grandpa's card arriving. I'd find it tucked between the frame and mirror that was on the table in the entryway; it meant my birthday was coming soon. It was always the first thing I opened on my birthday because I didn't have to wait until after school for it like I did with the presents. It usually contained a crisp $5 bill and a note that was illegible to anyone but Roly's own daughter, my mother, about what a wonderful child I was and how much he and Fawnie missed me. It hardly ever contained any subjects but instead had sentences beginning with their verbs. "To our beautiful 7 year old. Wish you all the best this next year. Love to hear about all you're doing at school. Miss you lots."

I was imagining what my Grandfather's Christmas card would say this year. "Love taking walks with Fawnie. So happy to hold her hand again." "Met Dean. He and Fawnie sure do laugh." "Ate gravy on ice cream." It is heaven after all. I'm sure it would still end with "Miss you lots."

I know I miss them. Sometimes it just hits me how much I miss them. They were the definition of unconditional love which I suppose it what grandparents are for, but they just went all out. Everyone needs to feel that from someone in their life and I'm so glad I got to experience it with them.

After my Grandpa died, I inherited my Grandma's pearls. Grandma didn't wear a lot of jewelry so I don't really associate them with any specific memory of her. But after she died, Grandpa told me one of his favorite things when he went on business trips was to find something beautiful to take home to Fawnie. He felt sorry that he couldn't afford to pay for her to get her hair or nails done every week like lots of her friends (we're talking about 1950's and 60's curls and up-dos) but he could afford a treat every now and then. Let me tell you. My grandpa knew how to give a treat. He was such a thoughtful man that he bought beautiful tasteful jewelry that would match specific outfits of my grandmother's that he liked. And he bought these pearls because everyone needed pearls then. It goes to show that while his co-workers were doing less-than-honorable things with their time after work on these trips that he was thinking about his wife and how he could make her happy.

That's what I think about every time I wear those pearls. I think about how much my grandparents loved each other, and as different as they were (which is to say, surprisingly different in their talents and temperaments) they were crazy about each other. They respected each other, and they looked for ways to excite and delight each other.

I've shared this on my blog before, but it's one of my most cherished memories of my grandparents. It's what I hope my marriage will become. On my Grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary, I asked my Grandpa if he had any favorite memories of their life together. He said, "Oh, well, I got lots of 'em. There were lots of special times and memories. I carried your grandmother down a mountain once-- not a real happy memory, but, well.... I guess it's all the little day to day things that made it special. You work hard at it and you just keep going at it and holding hands. And then after a time, you're not just holding hands, you're holding your heart's delight, and then even the little things like holding hands become special."

a complaint and a confession

2011-12-03T12:52:00.002-06:00

The Complaint
I really love Christmas time, and I love being involved in the parties and the music. But I do not like it when people ask me to sing or play or plan (all of which I consider talents) with very little notice. Just because I am good at something in general does not mean I am good at them when I'm rushed.

The Confession
There's a perfectly lovely woman I know who is generally admired by all know her. When I first met her though, she told me she only liked bacon cooked in an oven since it came out in nice, straight, evenly cooked strips. I told her I had to disagree and that I only ever cooked bacon in a frying pan. Then she told me she was a bit of bacon snob, and that's why she baked her bacon. I haven't really liked her since.

a change from change

2011-11-19T20:50:00.008-06:00

Whew. Now that that's all off my chest, I want you to know that it's not all somber pondering around here in the Cosby house. There's still plenty of laughing, chasing, hiding, seeking, tickling, and watching buses out the window. Here are a few particularly awesome moments from the last month or so.

1.) I went to a lecture given by Esther Duflo on MIT's Poverty Action Lab which uses scientific methodology (double blind studies, randomized evaluations, variable and control groups) to figure out what works and what doesn't in helping people out of poverty. It was, in a word, fascinating.

The goal of the center is to make sure that whatever funds and programs are available to alleviate poverty are both A) founded on research and B) actually working.

I got to re-experience the excitement of the scientific method when applied to real life. It's certainly disappointing when a great idea doesn't really work out (for instance, she said they found that micro-finance does get women more money and more business, but it's not getting them significantly greater political or social freedoms or their children much more education). But when it does, or when you can figure out a way to make it work, you are changing peoples lives for the better. And that is awesome.

She works in South Asia so most of her examples were about teaching farmers in India about fertilizer and how best to incentivize them to buy it. But she also talked about mosquito nets and vaccines. One of my favorite points was one she made near the end. She reminded us that it's real people we're talking about and while it is important to have science backing your actions, you should act (then evaluate, and act again, better this time). Many people and policy makers she talks to want to wait for more and more information and she said she needs to remind them sometimes, "If we want to help people, they need to be alive for us to help them. So lets get them food and vaccines, and then work from there."

I left inspired. I'm now reading Half the Sky and I'm waiting for Duflo's book to come in at the library.

2.) We ate dinner. Together. I made chicken tikka masala (double the recipe so I could freeze some) and naan. I ate a ton. I have realized lately that warm, creamy, spicy Indian food on naan is my ultimate comfort food. Sam didn't have to rush off to homework so we all just sat and ate and talked about the Joy School Halloween party that happened that morning and laughed ourselves silly at our crazy boy Levi. He loves to laugh. Here's more evidence. And I love that Anna is talking to the camera; she was so excited about Halloween this year.

I love how Levi sucks his stomach in in this next video

And here he's playing peek-a-boo and smashes his face into the curtain

3.) The leaves! Here's the view from my window about mid-October. It got even more beautiful about a week later.

4.) We made a house. Anna was driving me crazy one night, so I broke out the glue gun and raided the recycle bin. We cut and glued and taped and then painted. Since then, on various days it's been completely painted, given a garage and stairs, and adorned with googly eyes and mini pom poms. Anna puts her doll house family and furniture inside and talks about how incredible her house is. It has a garage! And stairs! And a back yard! We have the same dreams...

5.) Sam got a perfect score on his homework in his hardest class 3 weeks running. Here's a typical evening-time view of Sam.

I don't know which of us will be happier when he's done with this class. (Just for a little perspective, if you went to BYU, Sam is taking the equivalent of 24 credit hours of graduate level courses. Remember how the limit was 18 as an undergrad? Yeah, just some food for thought... And he still manages to be a great Dad!)

6.) The kids. I am way over my head at this stage. Anna is... contrary. It's so hard to find things to motivate her. She swings from silly, brilliant, and creative to mind-blowingly annoying, whiny, dependent, and dramatic. I can hardly keep up. And Levi desperately wants to communicate- he's getting better and trying new words- but he can still get pretty frustrated. I moved his nap up by half an hour and that's been a world of help. He is, as my father-in-law sagely puts it, at the age of no reason where he must have whatever anyone else is having, and must have things exactly the way he wants it, except when he doesn't and is the happiest, cutest little creature on earth.

a little self-portrait I found on the camera

So life, it's good. We live simply and are happiest when we're all together, supporting each other. I think we all feel safest and most at ease here at home, which is as it should be. There are always improvements to be made and we're all working to make them. But we have a happy little family and we love it.

P.S. Does this post actually have more pictures of Levi than Anna? That may be a first...

change (part 4)

2011-11-13T20:56:00.002-06:00

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This section, which I anticipate will be the last, has certainly been the hardest to write. I’ve sat down several times and nothing I’ve written seems right. I suspect it’s because I’m in the midst of it. Some days when I sit down I’m hopeful and eager while other days are more discouraging.

I’ve been seeing a counselor at the MIT medical center for the last 7 or 8 weeks. It’s free here which gave me the will to finally pick up the phone and call someone for help. I can't tell you how much I’ve appreciated having someone to talk to about my situation who isn’t really invested in the outcome. With my counselor, I’ve talked a lot about my support network and have realized just how much I need friends to talk to, people to appreciate me, and time to myself.

However, what I really long for is the ability to be at peace with my current situation, and I mean that in a moment-to-moment way, and not just in a big-picture way (though that would be nice, too). I’ve been wanting to learn some tools to let go of the frustration and anger that seem to haunt my interactions with my children, and the self-deprecating internal dialogue that tells me I’m not good enough. We’ve spent a little time talking about this, but I remember expressing this desire to her and her response was, “Isn’t that what we all want?” with the tone of “Sorry, can't help you there.”

But unlike my therapist, I know this kind of peace and contentment is possible because of grace. Paul said, “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4:11-13) Isn’t that beautiful? Through times of struggle and times of power, through emptiness and fullness, through abundance and want, we can find contentment through the grace of Jesus Christ. It is a gift freely given that I must learn to accept.

The Savior has promised me that if I will seek His help, He has the power to change me. He promised, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27) Though finding peace is now my weakness, it can become my strength. I will be able to share that peace with others, especially my children, all through grace.

But how do I find that grace? How do I let it permeate my thoughts to forgive rather than to punish myself? How do I stand firm through the waves of abundance and emptiness, joy and loneliness? It will not be easy. It may even be the hardest thing I ever do. D. Todd Christofferson said, “It would mock the Savior’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross for us to expect that He should transform us into angelic beings with no real effort on our part. Rather, we seek His grace to complement and reward our most diligent efforts (see 2 Nephi 25:23). Perhaps as much as praying for mercy, we should pray for time and opportunity to work and strive and overcome. Surely the Lord smiles upon one who desires to come to judgment worthily, who resolutely labors day by day to replace weakness with strength. … real change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy in such striving. Divine forgiveness and healing flow quite naturally to such a soul, for indeed “virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; [and] mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own” (D&C 88:40).”

I am ready to be diligent. I have been praying for the strength to strive and overcome. I have fasted and prayed. Today, after these efforts, I was given a place to start. Paul wrote, “Be careful for nothing (meaning, don’t worry so much); but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) Through prayer and gratitude, I will begin to seek the peace of God. I will not and can not understand it, but it will keep my heart and mind grounded in my Savior instead of in my worry and self-doubt.

I want to finish this with something I wrote in my journal a few months ago. It’s back to the topic of motherhood and finding myself within it:

“Motherhood is the most important aspect of my life. Everything I do for the rest of my life will be affected by the fact that I am a mother. I would guess that any woman who has been a mother—even just for a few minutes—would agree that motherhood changes everything in your life. Even things that seemingly have nothing to do with my role as a mother are affected by what I have learned as a mother. Motherhood changes you. It makes you stronger and weaker, more confident and more vulnerable; it plays with time, stretching and compressing it; it brightens and darkens the world around you. When you become a mother you are given new eyes, new hands, and a new heart which you can never trade back.

And yet they are still my eyes, my hands, and my heart. Though motherhood will always be a defining part of my life, it will not define my life. I am more than a mother, and that more part of me makes me a better mother.”

What I’m working and hoping and praying for is that while I seek that more part of myself, I will be given the peace to share the joys that I find with my children. I hope that they will see my love for myself and know that my love for them is simply an extension of that since they are part of who I am. I hope they will learn how to accept their mistakes, forgive themselves, and try again as they watch me struggle to make this change.

Tonight, thankfully, I’m feeling hopeful. That serene feeling that washed over me in a tiny kickboxing class in the basement is here again, and I’m hoping it will stay.

why MIT is cool

2011-11-06T19:39:00.001-06:00

Want to know whether or not my laundry is done? Just check here.

visit in maryland- levi

2011-10-31T16:01:00.001-05:00

Levi loved all the ride-on toys at Doug and Lesli's house. He also learned how to say cat ("Dat! Eeeeahow") while chasing their cats around the house. Here are pictures of Anna, too.

visit in maryland- anna

2011-10-31T15:56:00.001-05:00

After Anna Jo's wedding, my mom and I drove with the kids to my brother Doug's house in Maryland. His wife Lesli is a great photographer and took some photos of the kids playing in their beautiful and fun back yard. We went inside when the rain started coming down hard, but the kids stayed out for a long time.

anna jo and jeff got married!

2011-10-27T15:08:00.002-05:00

On September 4, 2011, Anna Jo and Jeffrey Karp got married! I got to be a bridesmaid and witness all the wedding awesomeness firsthand (and really, it was all awesome, which, knowing those two, I had no misconceptions that it would be otherwise).

The night before the wedding, I got to visit with some of my dearest friends and remembered why I became friends with them in the first place 14 years ago. Jeff's mom created the most magical atmosphere under an outdoor tent with twinkly lights and delicious food and rootbeer floats (!!!!) for dessert.

My mom was nice enough to come out and manage the kids with Sam so I got to spend a luxurious day being pampered and enjoying time with some wonderful women. First, we went to the spa and got all dolled up. (These are a mix of my own pictures and those pilfered from facebook. Thanks to everyone else for documenting the day!)

Then we went back to hotel and got dressed, ate lunch (Panera- which never disappoints) and hopped in the limo (with a driver that looked like Santa) to head to Hiram House Camp where Anna Jo and Jeff first met.

(why yes, I am the palest one here...)

Here's where Jeff got his first glimpse of Anna Jo, and the scene was definitely tender. They are so so in love and one of the best parts of the day was just seeing them look at each other.

We hiked all over the camp. I lost an earring, which of course, Anna Jo's dad found, because, well, he's indispensable like that. The incredible photographer kept us all in good humor with his ninja like skills of scaling anything to get just the right shot. I can't wait to see his photos (although I know Anna Jo is nearly dying with anticipation for them).

After pictures, we went to the club where the wedding was and re-primped after the rain at camp. Then Anna Jo and Jeff signed the ketubah, which was really beautiful to witness and hear the blessings given to them as husband and wife.

Next came the coming down the aisle part. This is probably the only time in my life I'll walk down an aisle at a wedding. :)

Don't you just love Jenifer's dress? She looked amazing in all that flowing silver and was just beaming with happiness the whole day.

Anna was a flower girl and hadn't successfully walked down the aisle in any of the rehearsals, so I was nervous about what would happen at the real event. She made it several feet and I was feeling so hopeful when she made a last minute veer towards my mom. With a little prodding and quite a bit of laughter, I coaxed her down the aisle where Sam was waiting off to the side to get her. The girls weren't allowed to drop flower petals in the hall, so they each had flower cookies in their baskets and Sam told me Anna kept whispering to him through the whole ceremony that she wanted to eat them since she'd made it down the aisle, according to our bargain.

The wedding itself was beautiful and moving. I've never been to a Jewish wedding before, but there were definitely some elements of it that reminded me of some of the wording in an LDS ceremony. The Rabbi spoke about some of the things Anna Jo and Jeff had told him they loved about the other person and listening to him, I thought, "It's all true." We love Anna Jo and Jeff for all the same reasons they love each other, for their kindness and humor and trust.

They look happy :)

I got to visit with lots of old friends from Ohio. Here I'm talking with my cross country coach's wife Laura. It was wonderful to see her, though we missed Terry who had an unexpected heart attack the month before. He had a congenital heart defect that had never been detected and his doctor told him his running had kept him alive all those years. He's been an incredible positive influence for so many young women, myself included and he was missed.

Sam and mom really deserve a prize for dealing with the kids all day, including swimming, short naps in the hotel rooms, all while trying to do homework or get double stick tape to fix a bridesmaid dress.

Anna promptly ate all five of the cookies in her basket. Levi and my mom may have had a bite. She looked adorable, but I tried to keep it under control and only included five pictures of her eating cookies here :)

Anna had fun dancing with the other flower girls and their siblings, while Levi hung out in front of the band. At one point, the drummer gave him a brush to play with and he was in heaven.

Here's the beautiful Sara giving a loving toast, and a beautiful Anna Jo basking in sisterly love with a barely visible Justin a few seats down. What an amazing family!

My favorite part of the reception was sitting next to Christine and just talking and relaxing after a long day. We laughed a lot, cried some, hugged, and watched Anna Jo and Jeff greet all their guests instead of eating :)

Hava Nagila!!

cross country girls

The bride and groom!

Thank you so much Anna Jo for letting me be a part of your day! I had such a wonderful day. I love you both so much! Congratulations!!!!

change (part 3)

2011-10-22T22:16:00.002-05:00

Part 1, Part 2, and something a little lighter

As I considered the course things seemed to be taking in our home, it made me wonder about the choice I’d made to become a mother. A few very close friends and family members with whom I’d shared some of my struggles had all talked about taking ownership of the choice I had made to become a mother. If I could accept that it was my choice, that would help me deal with the hard times. Though it made some sense to me, it didn’t really bring me any comfort; it certainly didn’t make mothering any easier. Mostly, it made me question my decision-making ability.

When Sam and I had Anna, I certainly felt like I wanted a child. I had spent 23 years thinking only about myself and I was ready for that to change. I like being physically challenged and pregnancy and child-birth seemed like the ultimate extreme sport. I wanted to fit in with the other women at church where I was hoping to find friends. And most importantly, I wanted to have the intensely spiritual and life-changing experience that everyone told me motherhood was.

Though my desire to have a baby was pretty strong, I did seriously consider what I would do if we didn’t (or couldn’t) have a baby. I could keep working, but my two previous jobs had taught me that the kinds of jobs you get with a bachelors degree in psychology are emotionally and physically draining and don’t pay you very much money to compensate for the stress. I could go back to school, but I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to study or do for a career, and getting a masters degree and then either not liking my work or becoming a parent and not using it both seemed like a waste of money. And what would happen if we moved? At that point, Sam was studying for the GMAT and was thinking about going back to business school as early as the coming year. I was also physically ready. I was healthy and strong, young and energetic. My mom had gone back to school when we were kids. I could post-pone an advanced degree and I might have a better idea of what I wanted to do with my life in 10 or 15 years. To me, the only really sensible option was to have children now, and go back to school later when my children weren’t at home all day long.

Fast-forward three years and I was starting to see some of the flaws in my logic. So much of my reasoning to have a baby had been that the other options didn’t seem right. If I hadn’t known how much I really deep down wanted a baby, reasoning aside, I might have said I had one by default. But in my emotionally messed-up state, it was hard for me to connect with that deep spiritual feeling and all I had left were the reasons, reasons which didn’t stand up to either my feminist intellect or my institutional picture of motherhood. I was in a catch-22 where I was neither equipped for a successful career, nor was I having a fulfilled, transcendent mothering experience.

This was another paradox for which I found Reading Women extremely helpful in explaining. Staal quotes Betty Friedan in The Feminine Mystique. "When motherhood, a fulfillment held sacred down the ages, is defined as a total way of life, must women themselves deny the world and future open to them? Or does the denial of that world force them to make motherhood a total way of life? The line between mystique and reality dissolves; real women embody the split in the image." Though I don't agree that Friedan's prediction—get a job, hire domestic help, and you will be happier—is always true, her description of "embody[ing] the split in the image” rings true to me. As mothers, we must always make a careful balance between motherhood as a “total way of life” and giving ourselves space for our own identities to grow and develop, toeing the line between the institution and our own personal experience.

One obvious and often successful way of gaining this space is to work (or volunteer) outside the home. Second wave feminism, which essentially began with the publishing of Friedan’s Mystique, was very much concerned with getting women (upper-middle-class, white women that is) into politics and the workplace with equal pay. An unfortunate side-effect of this goal was the resulting cultural pressure on women to not only be the primary caregiver at home, but also be a primary breadwinner out of it, at the same time. Women were told that in order to prove they were valuable, they had to get a job. As such, we started telling girls, “you can be anything you want” with the cultural-expectation-tagline of “as long as you still take care of the kids.”(I won’t get too sidetracked here by spelling out all the complexity that has arisen around men’s roles in the past 50 years, but I do feel the need to acknowledge it here….Duly acknowledged, let’s move on.)

Staal recounts an exchange between Judith Warner, and Cecile Berry at a panel discussion at Barnard called, "Rewriting Motherhood:"
"'Well, I don't know if we should tell our daughters they have limitless possibilities,’ said Berry. ‘If you want to include a meaningful experience with motherhood in your lives, I don't know if that's possible.'"
(Here Warner's shocked and tries to recover),"'...I think if we can just give girls the ability to remain true to themselves, then that sort of takes care of part of the problem.'
'Yeah, it does break down to what kind of career you want to have,' agreed Berry, 'but that's exactly why I don't want to tell girls, "you have limitless options." I don't know if it's possible to really be a mother who experiences motherhood and at the same time have a dynamic, high-profile career.'"

I wish I could remember what Berry’s career was to get her on the panel, I do remember she gave it up to stay home with her children. What she’s saying here—to a very baffled Judith Warner—is that we need to give realistic messages to our daughters. Berry's pragmatism is a breath of fresh air to me. Yes, girls can do anything, but they need to understand that their experiences working in or out of them home will be changed by whether they devote all their time to one of those pursuits or if pursue career and motherhood at the same time. As with any decision, there are trade-offs, but we should at least try to prepare them for “embody[ing] the split in the image.”

In an ideal world, we’d all just stop judging each other, and ourselves, and we’d support our friends and sisters and daughters in whatever choices they deemed best. That’s what I really wished for as I thought, “What kind of mothering experience do I want to have? What kind of experience do I want for my children? Would not being a stay-at-home parent allow me to enjoy more the fewer mothering experiences I would have, or would it produce more guilt and more anxiety?”

Again, Staal helped me think about this. She writes, “To compare work and motherhood in terms of satisfaction and fulfillment is a similarly specious endeavor, for they are plainly not the same kind of experience. Seeing my name in print cannot possibly be compared with seeing my daughter's dance performance at school—not because one is necessarily better or more important, but because they are so very different and serve such different needs. Any mother knows this, even if some media pundits would seem stubbornly determined not to acknowledge this crucial distinction with their relentless coverage of the Mommy Wars.
"...If Friedan's specter was the 1950's "happy housewife" pictured in glossy magazine advertisements, ours is surely the '80's ‘supermom,’ now lying crumpled on the floor from too much cultural kryptonite. And in her wake enters a decidedly less glamorous antihero: the mother who is always reaching to make ends meet, always harried, always frazzled, and always—always—always—coming up a little short.”

As I read that, I knew I was haunted by that specter. Even without a job, I was feeling harried and frazzled. I thought about Julie Beck’s vision of a “mother who knows.” While some of the wording in that talk irks me, I agree with its spirit, and Sister Beck’s assertion that, “Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power.”

I decided I really did want to be at home with my children. Right now, I don’t want to be anywhere else. I decided I was completely willing to make that sacrifice, but I knew I must find a way to be at peace while doing it, or it would be painful for both me and my family. The vision, the idea, the hope of that peace was what gave me strength to do what I did next.

halloween sneak peek

2011-10-22T14:40:00.004-05:00

When I asked Anna, sometime in August, what she wanted to be for Halloween, I didn't really expect any answer at all, but she said, "I want to be a ballerina fairy princess with an orange tutu and a crown with a sunshine on it." Mom made this happen with a little tweaking (we couldn't find orange spandex for the leotard). We had our Joy School Halloween party on Thursday. The leotard Mom made came the night before, so this was the first time Anna had on the whole costume. She was crazy excited. This is after the party, so she was a little pictured out. Thanks Mom!

(Levi got in the shot at the last second, but this was the best, face-on, not blurry shot we got of the whole costume)

I slipped ribbons under Anna's feet inside her sparkly shoes so she could have ribbons that tied around her legs like real ballerinas, and there's a pink and orange tutu under her "flower fairy" skirt. There's a book called Lili at the ballet written by an ex-ballerina with beautiful illustrations of children dancing. Anna learned that ballerinas balance at the barre from that book. Lili gets to be the flower fairy at the end of the book, so she was glad Grandma included a flower skirt that she could wear with her ballerina tutu.

This is a good shot of her "princess hair." Those little ringlets in the front are all natural, no curling iron needed.

change (part 2)

2011-10-16T21:19:00.004-05:00

Part 1

I can’t even remember now why I added it to my reading list, but I do remember being instantly curious about what Reading Women by Stephanie Staal had to say. The official title is this: Reading Women: How the Great Books of Feminism Changed My Life. The premise is that Stephanie Staal, a young mother who is bewildered by how messed up her life has gotten since having a baby, goes back to her alma mater, Barnard College (a women’s college) in NYC and retakes Introduction to Feminist Texts, in the hopes that she can reconcile her image of herself as a confident, young feminist and her new motherhood.

Starting about my sophomore year of college, I began to identify myself as a “feminist.” Up until then, feminism was simply a group of women who blamed men for everything, but once I really started to learn about it, I realized that while I may not be a radical, militant feminist, I did feel like there were still some cultural and institutional constraints on and beliefs about women that were oppressive, and that I had a responsibility to work towards changing them. Staal’s journey sounded very much like an experience I would have enjoyed, so I picked up Reading Women hoping to live a little vicariously through her and get a better handle on the basic tenants of feminism at the same time.

While reading, I kept putting little post-its at passages that resonated with my own experience. I’ve decided to share some of those passages and my thoughts about them. Reading this brought up more questions for me because I felt like Staal, and the feminist authors she’s quoting, of course, were able to articulate the difficult feelings I’d been having and the paradoxes in which I found myself.

One of the major themes I latched on to was how motherhood and womanhood have been defined for us. Adrienne Rich said she felt alienated by the “institution—not the fact—of motherhood.” Staal summarized the institution of motherhood as “the belief that a mother need no longer feel any ambition, any curiosity, any desire of her own.” Later, I heard another description that was a little more concrete. I heard this on an incredible podcast called “Mormon Matters” just a few weeks ago, long after I’d read Reading Women and had some time to stew it over. (This podcast is entitled “Mormonism's Messages about Motherhood” and I’d highly recommend it to anyone, especially young moms. They did a great job helping me see some of the oppressive (or, for a nicer word, un-helpful) messages about motherhood my culture has given me while at the same time, helping me feel the desire to be a better mother, be kinder to my children, and appreciate my mom. Please listen to it.)

This comes from lesson 8 in the Young Women Manual 1. It says, “…if we believe that life as a wife and mother is routine and boring, it will be. But if we can understand our divine purposes and realize the great potential we have, our role will take on greater meaning than any other task in this world. By cheerfully and enthusiastically supporting our husbands and by bearing, nurturing, and teaching righteous spirits, we can experience the greatest fulfillment.” To me, this is the institution of motherhood: that having children is the most fulfilling thing a woman can do and you just need to have a good attitude about it to be happy. If you are not happy, you are failing in your role as wife and mother. Also, if you are not completely fulfilled by motherhood, you are not trying hard enough.

Now, I think this is an extreme description of motherhood, and I have heard talks from General Authorities in General Conference debunking these very messages, but the fact remains that this is a message I had internalized from girlhood. So every time I felt unhappy or unfulfilled, it meant I was an inadequate mother, an unsupportive wife, and that I probably just wasn’t trying hard enough. I also felt like I couldn’t talk about feeling unhappy or unfulfilled to other moms because they obviously had it together and despite the challenging times of motherhood, they were always cheerful.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. While I was reading the book, I kept Staal’s definition of the institution of motherhood. Here it is again: the belief that a mother need no longer feel any ambition, any curiosity, any desire of her own. Since becoming a mother, and especially since moving to Massachusetts where many more women work, and many of those in very high profile careers, I felt this assumption that my ambitions and skills and talents and anything that made me interesting had stopped existing. I sense this most acutely when Sam and I meet another couple, and they ask what we do. Sam gives his answer and then they turn to me. I say, "I stay at home with our children," (anyone got any ideas on a better way to phrase that?) and the conversation screeches to a halt. I often find myself fumbling something about how it's "fun" or "nice" or "a lot of work, but worth it" while the other couple is trying to back peddle through their own shock and say something polite. It's as if when I said I chose to be a mother full time, it was like admitting I had no other interests, and that I had nothing valuable to say outside of talking about children. I certainly don't think other people mean to make me feel that way, it just seems clear they feel they have absolutely nothing in common with me, and have no idea how to approach our relationship from here.

Realizing this is when I finally got to take my anger and pin point it at something. I was angry at society for telling us the mothers didn’t need anything but motherhood. I was angry at other people for believing that and assuming I wasn’t anything beyond my motherhood. I was angry at my kids for hijacking my identity. I was angry at myself for being angry at my kids because I knew it was my choice that brought them here in the first place, and that I couldn’t just say, “Screw you cultural norms, I’m a good mom and I know it. I’m a smart, interesting, creative woman and I know it. It doesn’t matter what other people think because I know who I am.” The problem was, this anger spilled over into many other aspects of my life.

Stall gives a great description of what an angry mom looks like, “There are the good moments [like when her daughter declares she wants to be a writer like her mom], but there are also the bad ones, and the entire spectrum arching between. Moments when my temper flares, so swift and bright, I scare even myself. Sometimes, feeling overextended, I am prone to snap. Maybe Sylvia refuses to put on her shoes when we're already late for school, and I jam her feet in them a little too roughly. Or she starts whining for a cupcake when she has just had a box of animal crackers, and I lash out in disproportionate anger. Or she accidentally spills a sticky glass of juice across the brand-new dining room table, and I send her to her room in a rage. I can feel this hulking restiveness beneath my skin that I try with all my might to restrain. Parenthood is rife with these little fits of fury, these powerful eruptions of frustration, and to keep them at bay, I constantly search to find the right balance of responsibility to my child and responsibility to myself.”

I remember one afternoon in particular. I can’t remember any details of the day or what had gone wrong to make me so frustrated, but the feeling of “hulking restiveness” is etched clearly in my memory. I know Sam was at school, working late, and I was trying to do something—maybe getting Levi into his pajamas—and a whiny Anna kept getting in the way. Finally, when she came near me, I pushed her. It was a little push, not even hard enough to make her fall down, but the fact that I had been physically aggressive toward my child made me snap back to the moment. As I took in the shock on Anna’s face and the sound of her frightened and angry little voice yelling, “No! No Mommy! We don’t push!” I burst into tears. As I held Anna and rocked her, apologizing over and over again, I felt so lost and so scared. Where had this come from? This wasn’t what I wanted to be. Why can't I control this? What will happen if I don’t?

change (part 1)

2011-10-11T22:34:00.003-05:00

Here's something I wanted to put out there publicly. I'm not sure why. Maybe for my own process of changing. Maybe for somebody else who's feeling alone right now. This is a long post, with a lot more to come. I'm not sure when those other pieces will come. But for now, here's part 1.

Today, as I stretched after my kickboxing aerobics class, I felt good. I felt strong. I felt hopeful. I felt confident. I felt at peace with myself. Tears came to my eyes because I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve felt those things. I’ve been taking notes here and there over the last year or so, trying to put into words what I was feeling, in the hopes that naming and knowing what was wrong would give me some direction in how to put it right. And now, now that I can see things coming back into focus, and can feel my burdens being lifted, I’m ready to share some of this story here. It is a story of anger, desperation, sorrow, and hopelessness, but also of will, and support, and most importantly, of grace.

Just for some structure, I’ll give this story a starting point of about a year ago. We had recently moved to Massachusetts and my parents and grandfather came to visit us. I was looking forward to some help with the kids (since two was a lot more overwhelming than one) and I couldn’t wait to see my Grandpa’s excitement at exploring the history of Boston and Concord. Unfortunately, Grandpa didn’t feel very well, and after one beautiful day with him, he entered the hospital.

The next month was filled with ups and downs. Grandpa had surgery for a hernia and seemed to be almost back to normal, but there was a quick turn around and he ended up back in the hospital. My dear mother just had to take it one day at a time, and she and my dad managed to fit in fun and babysitting for us while still spending a lot of time with Grandpa and managing his care. It was during this visit, that I first noticed feelings of anger. I was angry that something had spoiled this grand trip I had envisioned. Then I was angry at myself for having anything but positive thoughts towards my sick Grandpa and my overwhelmed mom. I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty even-keeled person, so feeling angry just shocked me, and I’m sad to say that I was less than thoughtful towards my family during a time when they really could have used some support.

After a month of battling, my Grandpa passed away here in Massachusetts, far from his loving brother and sons and grandchildren. I was filled with sadness- for my mom who had very suddenly lost her father in a foreign place, for my uncles who didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, for my own loss, and for the fact that I had harbored resentment in those final days.

I flew to Utah with Levi for the funeral and mourned with my family. When I came home, I expected for things to return to normal, to be able to feel patient and loving again, as I had after my Grandma died. And to a certain extent, they did. We got wrapped up in exploring our new home and library, and I found a lot of joy in my giggly baby boy who was just so good. Then came the holidays and all the attendant magic and happiness. But something nagging still just didn’t feel right, and I met January with a lingering feeling of inadequacy and bewilderment about what to do next.

After returning from Christmas in Texas, we got our first big Boston snow. We played in it and marveled at how deep and white it was. And then it snowed again, with even more snow. How fun! And then it snowed again and again and again. The freezing temperatures (around 0* for a long long time) kept the snow around and the plows didn’t have anywhere to put it. Entire days were lost in dull grayness when the sun didn’t rise till 9, and set at 4, and stayed behind the clouds all day. And we were stuck in our apartment. You’d have to have superpowers not to get depressed and lonely in a winter like that one.

Thankfully, my friend Claire suggested we start Joy School which gave some much needed structure to the kids’ week and gave me something to fill my time. I loved the other women and children who participated, and Anna did too, making her very first real friends. Anna was happy. Levi was still happy and becoming funnier and snugglier by the day. Sam was in the midst of very promising MBA applications and interviews. I was increasingly involved at church and meeting some incredible and inspiring women. So why, with all this good news, did I feel like I didn’t have any friends, like I didn’t have any use or purpose, like I was trapped, and like I was losing myself?

In the midst of all this, a book that had been on my to-read shelf for several months came in at the library. What I was expecting was an interesting memoir, but what I got instead, were the very first insights to answering my questions, and a whole lot more to be angry about.

august

2011-10-09T20:44:00.006-05:00

That's right. August. Here's what went down:

The kids cuddled

We packed and moved.

We went to the beach

and got really sandy (but not burned!)

We decided the best use of space in the kids' new tiny room was to shove their beds together. They absolutely love it and entertain each other all morning while I sleep/read/shower.

We went to Hartford, CT and visited the Childrens Museum.

This giant whale was the best part.

Followed closely by riding on one of the oldest carousels in the country.

Our new place is better organized and more fun than our old place in Acton. It's more fun because a huge playground is right outside our back door and more organized because not only did we inherit an awesome Ikea organization unit (thanks LeAnn!) but also, 1/3 of our possessions are in storage. I'm very seriously considering donating everything that's down there. If I don't need it here, why will I ever need it? As such, the kids can find their toys better. They play hard, and sleep hard.

This is our back patio. We love being on the third floor, right in the tree tops. And I get plenty of exercise hauling strollers, Levi, laundry, and groceries up and down each week!

pizza

2011-09-26T22:32:00.002-05:00

I posted this over at our family recipe blog (stayandeat.blogspot.com) but thought some of you here may appreciate this as well. This is our new favorite pizza dough recipe and lots of topping suggestions. We eat pizza ALL the time. I used to buy pre-made crusts at HEB in Texas that were good and came with pizza sauce and were c-h-e-a-p. But moving to Massachusetts forced me to learn how to make pizza dough and I'm so glad I did. It's easy and delicious and even cheaper than HEB.

We made 3 pizzas last night and had 2 families over for dinner. It was the perfect meal for entertaining since it was clearly homemade, but also simple. Each pizza was different enough that everyone from the 2-year-olds to the adults had something they liked. You can also easily appeal to vegetarians (of which there are many in Massachusetts, unlike Texas...). Unfortunately, we're out of batteries, so I didn't take a picture of any of the pizzas, but maybe I will next week and add it back to this post so you can drool sufficiently at the beautifully browned masterpieces I churn out of my kitchen each week.

As a side note, how do you feel about cooking with alcohol? In general, I'm not too worried about it. I'm not going to eat a cake soaked in rum, but I don't have a problem with a sauce made with wine. And in this particular case, obviously, bread has alcohol content already because of the yeast, but I'm not sure how much more is left by using the wine. What are your thoughts?

And now, here's the post:

This dough is from smittenkitchen. I finally buckled and bought some cooking wine to try this recipe, and boy am I glad I did. Last night's pizza was the best I've eaten in a long time, and although I did have some great toppings (like Trader Joe's quattro formigia shredded cheese, fresh mozzerella, and basil I grew myself), I really think the crust was the deciding factor. The first measurements are for "one small thin crust." I quadrupled it to make 3 large (12 inch?) pizzas which fed 6 adults, 4 toddler/preschoolers, and a baby. Adjust as you will.

6 tablespoons warm water
3/4 teaspoon active dry yeast
1/2 teaspoon honey
2 tablespoons white wine
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt

1.5 C warm water
3 tsp yeast
2 tsp honey
½ C white wine
¼ C olive oil
6 C all-purpose flour
4 tsp salt

Directions:
1. Dissolve yeast and honey in warm (100*) water. Let sit till frothy.
2. Measure out flour into large bowl and stir in salt. (I substituted one cup of white whole wheat flour in mine to no ill effect)
3. Add wine and olive oil to water. Add liquids to flour.
4. Use a spatula to stir it all up until it's clumpy, then use your hands to mash it all into a ball, making sure to incorporate all the floury bits.
5. Knead on a lightly floured counter/pizza peel until smooth and mostly uniform in consistency. (This shouldn't take long)
6. Oil the bowl your dough was in, roll the dough in it, and cover with plastic wrap.
7. Let rise until doubled, 1-2 hours.
8. Lightly press the air out of the dough and let it sit for 15 minutes or so while you prep your ingredients. Preheat your oven to 500* with the pizza stone inside it.
9. Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface/pizza peel. Fold one side over and sprinkle the surface with cornmeal, then do the other side.
10. Add your toppings, and bake 10 minutes or until everything's browned and bubbly.

Here are some of my favorite topping combos:

For a traditional, tomato sauce pizza, I like to herb my crust. First, I lightly rub it with olive oil. Then I sprinkle on garlic powder, oregano, thyme, and sometimes rosemary. Then, I just use jarred spaghetti sauce and sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top of that rather than making or buying special pizza sauce.

Tomato sauce pizzas:

Fresh mozzarella, fresh basil, tomato slices, and bacon.

Fresh mozzarella, shredded sharp cheddar, bell peppers, red onions, olives, and pepperoni.

1/2 red sauce, half pesto, mozzarella, and italian meats.

White pizzas:

Alfredo, chicken, brocolli, or zucchini

olive oil, goat cheese, pear, caramelized onion. once you cook that, add fresh arugula, and candied pecans.

equal parts ricotta and sour cream, seasoned with salt and pepper, topped with bacon and caramelized onions

Other pizzas:

sour cream and salsa, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, grilled chicken, red onion, and grilled corn. once you cook that, add fresh cilantro and avocado slices

peanut satay sauce topped with mozzarella, grilled chicken, carrots, and onion. top with fresh cilantro.

free schooling ebooks

2011-09-15T20:46:00.002-05:00

My friend Danielle shared this deal with me. It's for $10 worth of free ebooks from Scholastic, and they're having a sale right now where many are only $1. I just searched for Pre-K books, but they have them up to grade 12. I'm downloading some pre-writing workbooks, science and weather poems to sing to common tunes, and printable mini-ABC books, among others.

http://www.motherhoodonadime.com/10-worth-of-ebooks-from-scholastic-for-free/

drumlin farm

2011-08-31T14:56:00.001-05:00

I took the kids to Drumlin Farm in Lexington with a library pass, so it was only a dollar or two for the day. A friend recommended it to me and it really was perfect for them. We just wandered around the working farm and looked at chickens and horses and sheep and cows. Anna loved weighing and sorting the pretend eggs. We went back twice. The kids also liked watching the sleeping piglets. They were both very quiet and for the rest of the day Anna would say, "Shhh Mama! The piggies are sleeping!"

anna says...

2011-08-29T14:57:00.004-05:00

"I'm being a lot patient now, Mommy"

"What a cool family we have!"

"Sam! Sam!" (whenever she's calling for Sam, she uses his first name, just like I do when I'm calling for him :)

"Next time I ________, I will be more careful." When she's been scolded for something, like throwing her chalk off the balcony onto the sidewalk, for instance.

"I'm just being calm right now"

Speaking to Daddy: "Sam, if you will let me be, I will try... [looks around]... the fan." We had read Green Eggs and Ham before bed the previous night.

squared

2011-08-21T15:08:00.007-05:00

After reading Janssen's recommendation of Perfect Square by Michael Hall, I ordered it from my library. According to Janssen, who's in the know about these things having been a children's librarian before the birth of her daughter, this book is getting some Caldecott buzz. I've been ordering Caldecott winners and honor books to read with Anna this year. Not only is the art good, but usually the stories in Caldecott's are better than average, and I'd much rather Anna get attached to a good book, like, say, Knuffle Bunny, or Hush!, than a dumb one like Baby Donald Makes a Snow Friend (so glad we're over that one...).

But all of that is beside the point. After one reading of Perfect Square, Anna was hooked and we read it over and over again. In the book, the perfect (and happy) square one day gets cut into pieces. With those pieces it makes itself into a fountain. On successive days, it gets ripped, crumpled, and shattered and makes itself into something new each day.

So one Sunday afternoon, I got out some red construction paper. First we made it into a square.

Then, I gave Anna some scissors, crayons, hole punches, and a stapler and let her go at it. At first she needed a little guidance on what to do to the square, but eventually found her groove and had lots of fun.

When it looked like she was done, we gathered up every single piece of the square, including all the hole punches, and tried them out in various positions. When Anna came up with one she liked, I put it on a piece of white paper. A few globs of glue stick (and an outfit change) later...

...and we had a fish! He stayed on our fridge till we moved.

This was a perfect activity for her age and it was fun to combine our reading and crafting. As a kid, we did lots of activities inspired by books, from building forts and making up games, to sewing clothes and writing our own stories. I loved that and hope our children will too.

movin'

2011-08-15T20:16:00.003-05:00

We did it. We moved to Cambridge. We survived the moving van puzzle, bruised legs and sore bodies, a traffic ticket, flooding our bathroom and the one below us, finals and papers, breaking dishes, disoriented children, not having enough quarters to do laundry, driving the wrong direction on a one-way road, and lots of other adventures. But now the fridge and pantry are stocked, the kids room is pretty much done, and there are just a few lingering boxes waiting for Sam to finish his first semester of school tomorrow before he moves them to storage.

We are so happy.

the 5 best years

2011-08-12T14:09:00.002-05:00

It wasn't until half-way through the day on Friday that I realized it was our 5th wedding anniversary. Yay for us! Sam is my best friend, confidant, cheering section, sounding board, back-up, hero, love of my life.

In passing this week, I mentioned something about our grandchildren, and it hit me. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this man. We will work and laugh and love and pray and grow old-- together-- a thought that made my stomach jump with delight.

Happy Anniversay Sam! I love you!

happy 235th birthday america!

2011-08-11T09:31:00.000-05:00

We had a super fun 4th of July weekend. We're just a little late in reporting so :)

On the 2nd, we went swimming and then walked through the path behind our apartments to NARA park where Acton was throwing it's big holiday party. They had really yummy free hot dogs and we brought along some chips and watermelon for dinner.

We chatted with some friends from church who live in our town and wandered around the little carnival area they had. Then we walked back home and bathed the kids and put them in jammies.

The US Air Force band from our area played all the traditional 4th songs, some show tunes, and of course this one since it's Boston. It was fun to watch Levi as he experienced fireworks for the first time after the show. As we herded out with everyone through the narrow path in the woods, we remarked that we'd never been in such a large mass of people moving all to the same place and that it was pretty surreal.

The third was church of course. Anna wore her patriotic dress from Grandma Becky and we got so many comments on how adorable she was, especially with her "flag bows" from Kathy. (Thanks to both of you!) After nap time we made this flag cake and sang happy birthday to America and blew out candles, much to Anna's delight.

(By the way, I made that red shirt out of two tank tops I got for $1.50 each at Target and it's one of my new favorite tops. I also made my skirt- without a pattern = not recommended- for the family pictures we took in April {I should probably post those...} and although it turned out a little funky, it looks just how I'd hoped when I wear it. Hooray for sewing success!)

For the 4th, I really wanted to go downtown and see the Boston Pops and the fireworks over the river. With Sam's internship and work schedule, we might not actually be in Boston for the 4th again, so I was anxious to do it this year. Sam humored me and we left after breakfast. We parked at the end of the line and took the train downtown. Once we got there we found out you couldn't see the fireworks from the lawn in front of the Hatch Shell where the Pops play (which was never mentioned on the website....grr) so we found a spot on The Esplanade under a tree where we could see a screen showing the concert as well as the fireworks barge in the river. We staked out a large spot with our blankets and strollers and wished we hadn't come so early :)

We ate some lunch there and then wandered over to Boston Common where we listened to music, watched the swan boats and played on the playground. The day was really hot and humid though, and the splash pad just looked too good to resist, so after snapping this picture of the dress I made for Anna from one of Sam's old shirts...

(I made the under-arm waaay too small, so if we ever have another girl, it'll make a cute 2T dress)

...we stripped Anna down to her undies and Levi to his diaper and let them at it. Levi, who we woke up from a nap to play, wasn't too excited about and mostly stayed on the edges by mom splashing his hands in little puddles, but Anna was simply giddy and raced in and out of the water.

Once playtime was done, we changed the kids into dry clothes and got some ice cream at the PACKED McDonald's across the street from the park and waited forever for the bathroom so we wouldn't have to use the port-a-potties on the Esplanade. But, we did enjoy the air conditioning for a while :)

We walked back to our spot and I took Levi for a walk hoping he might fall asleep again while Sam did some coloring with Anna. The Esplanade was starting to fill up a little more, and the kids were getting tired, so this period of time is a bit of blur, but eventually we headed back up to McDonald's for some dinner and some more AC before going back to the splash pad/playground to play. We had to be back on the Esplanade by 8 PM when they closed the bridges so we left around 7 and followed the crowd out there. By the time we got back to our seats, every little piece of grass was covered. Someone had even squeezed in the 2 ft patch of dirt between our blanket and the back of a bench

thousands of people....

proof we brought Levi, and that he was exhausted

our neighbors under the tree gave Anna this star necklace

have I mentioned yet how much I love her hair?

Pretty soon though, the concert started and we had fun dancing to the music. The kids were absolutely worn out by this time, and alternated between crazy happiness, meltdowns, and sprawling with their blankets. Here's what I mean:

I eventually put Levi in his stroller and he fell asleep in the middle of the cannon-booming 1812 Overture. Anna decided she needed to use the potty right as Neil Diamond's America started playing, but I managed a few fist pumps while tip-toeing through the crowd praying Anna wouldn't tinkle on anyone.

Finally the fireworks show started and it was, hands down, the best I have ever seen. They had all sorts of kinds I'd never seen before, and many had multiple effects like changing colors or bursting in different places. Some of my favorites were shot off during "Fireflies" and were these little golden flares that floated up and down and looked like they were flying. And of course they played Katy Perry, like every other fireworks show in the universe this year. Right in the middle of the show, Anna, amazingly, fell asleep.

After the show we got the kids in the strollers and found out how wrong we'd been about the large crowds on Saturday night. The number of people there was insane. We finally made it to the train station to find a giant mass of people at the door. We knew we'd never get to the front of a huge crowd, so we walked over the bridge to the Kendall station by MIT. There, we hopped on the elevator and jumped straight to the front of the line, but we still waited through 2 trains and a conductor forced everyone else to wait while we got on with the strollers.

We made it home around 1:30 AM, all exhausted and Sam having to go to school in the morning, but as I thanked him profusely for coming with me, I could honestly say I was glad we did it.

sillies

2011-08-10T13:27:00.001-05:00

We love our little goofs!

a shy ballerina

2011-08-01T22:05:00.001-05:00

One Saturday, our local childrens museum had a "meet a real ballerina" day. There were two ballerinas from a small local company who came and showed some basic moves, and how to put on pointe shoes. They also had fairy wings and wands to let all the little girls pretend to be ballerinas and move as a corps and learn how to curtsy and also to look cute for cameras.

Anna was so excited to go. She had been wearing her "ballerina suit" every single day and watching youtube videos of ballet and asking to dance with me. So we got her dressed up and took her to the museum and the second we got in the room, she clung to me. I tried going with her to put on fairy wings, but she would have none of it. So although she said, yes, she did want to take a picture with the ballerina at the end, this was the best picture we got :)

Here are some others of Anna dressed as a ballerina and playing in the museum's ship wreck.

And of course Levi was happiest crawling up and down chairs.

snuggles

2011-07-30T10:34:00.002-05:00

This morning, I was sitting on the floor with my legs crossed. Anna looked at me for a moment and said, "I'm going to go get my blankie from my room," and then, pointing at my legs, "You keep that lap up so I can come back and snuggle."

Which is exactly what we did.

yum

2011-07-09T22:42:00.000-05:00

When you make popsicles out of fruit and yogurt, you get to eat popsicles for breakfast...which is extremely awesome for the toddler set.

adorable boy

2011-07-08T22:18:00.000-05:00

My sister in law, Anna, took these adorable pictures of Levi while we were in TX over Memorial Day weekend. We're so lucky we get to benefit from her talent.

And isn't Levi so handsome?!

a pirate party

2011-07-07T21:13:00.000-05:00

Over Memorial Day we went to TX to have a Cosby family reunion and have a pre-wedding reception (preception?) for Jacob and Lauren (who are getting married in a week!). Anna and Levi were, of course, elated to be at Grandma's house. Before the other cousins arrived, Anna had a dress-up dance party with Grandma and filled Grandpa's bird feeder.

In case you didn't know, Anna's 3...

Levi, meanwhile, climbed the stairs and played at the water table.

Once the other cousins came, Grandma broke out the pirate costumes (which she MADE!) and led the grandkids on a treasure hunt that ended in candy and fruit snacks and nicknacks from SF Chinatown that they all adored.

Ruth throws awesome parties, and along with the super-fun grandkid pirate party (which included a hideout upstairs) she also threw a great old-fashioned ice cream social for Jacob and Lauren and I proceeded to eat all the Bluebell I could manage in 3 days. Oh how I miss that ice cream. Here's one of the cakes that we made and some shots from the party. (By the way, most of these pictures are courtesy of my sister-in-law, Anna)

Cosby cousins

Thanks for the fun trip Grandma and Grandpa! We'll see you next week!

elephants on parade

2011-07-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

One afternoon, Anna and I were "playing playdoh" when I made the big purple elephant. Anna proclaimed it a Mommy elephant who needed a baby elephant (Levi) and a girl elephant (Anna) and a Daddy elephant. The daddy is standing on a barrel, the girl is kicking a ball and the mommy and baby are kissing trunks.

beer game

2011-06-21T22:15:00.004-05:00

Sam came home from school yesterday and announced that he had won the beer game.

Bet you never saw that one coming.

(Just so no one gets the wrong idea, the beer game is actually a game his professor made to demonstrate the complexities of supply chain management, with different teams representing a factory, distributor, wholesaler, and retailer. But people always skipped it. So they changed the "factory" to a "brewery" and lo and behold, nobody ever misses "The Beer Game." Sam also took home a portion of the winnings: a cool $6.25. I believe he treated himself to lunch today. Way to go, Babe. way. to. go.)

love and logic

2011-06-20T20:47:00.001-05:00

I thought I'd blog this book review for family journaling purposes and because I thought some others who aren't on goodreads might be interested.

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years by Jim Fay

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This gave me some great and very practical ideas for dealing with the ups and downs of toddlerhood. Here are a few of my favorite points that I wanted to remember:

1. Ask questions to help the child solve problems. I should have done this today when Anna had a meltdown because she couldn't get her peaches to stay on her fork. Rather than jumping in and saying, "Let me cut those up for you," I could have said, "How do you think they'll stay on? Would smaller pieces work? Do you want to cut them or should I?" I did this successfully yesterday when Anna couldn't reach something on the counter. "How could we make it so you can reach that?" She thought for a while and said, "I could get a stool!" Me:"What could we use to be a stool?" Anna: "I have a big stool in the potty" Me: "Is there something in this room we could use as a stool?" Anna, after thinking and looking around: "I could use that chair for a stool!" Me: "Great job! You figured it out!"

2. Make the bad behavior the enemy, not you. "Uh oh, looks like the whiny voice is here again. I guess Anna has to go in her room until it's gone." Instead of, "I'm not going to listen to you when you're whining." I'm definitely still working on this one as it involves keeping my cool in the face of yet ANOTHER melting whining drama-filled disaster (like getting two feet in one pant leg)

3. Provide LOTS of empathy. Let love win out. Be sorry that they're not behaving, not angry. Show them that parenting them is a joy, not a chore. Remember that sometimes it's hard for ME to not get another cookie too, and tell them that.

4. Give choices ALL THE TIME, not just about clothes or food. This provides a sense of empowerment. "How do you want to make the bed? Fast or slow? Do you want to eat lunch before we leave? Or take it to the park? Which bench should we sit on? Should we sing this sing loud or quiet?" They suggest giving silly choices, like "Do you want to walk out of the store like lions or like kangaroos?" I've tried this a few times with Anna but she always responds, "No Mommy! I want to walk just like a girl!" So I tend to do more fast or slow, loud or quiet, silly or regular.

Another practical example I really love is "Do you want to pick up your toys now or in two minutes? I'll set the timer." I haven't done this yet, but they recommend the line, "You get to keep all the toys you put away. I get to keep all the toys I put away."

5. Validate your child's interests while reserving judgement, good or bad. Say, "You've been spending a lot of time taking care of that baby" or "I noticed you really like those blocks." This just lets your child know you see them and are paying attention without putting pressure on them.

They gave some suggestions that I haven't tried and am not too sure about. For example, they suggest that if your child is misbehaving, they "pay" you for the extra work you have to do because of it with toys. I don't think Anna would quite get this concept yet, and don't think she cares enough about any toy to really be upset if she were to part with it.

They also suggested encouraging your kid to yell or scream louder in the middle of a tantrum, saying, "Is that the best you can do? I've seen some better tantrums than that in my life." I really didn't like this suggestion but couldn't explain quite why, but then I read this in someone else's review, "I think telling our children to do something with the expectation that they do the opposite is never a good habit to start"

All in all, I'd highly recommend this book to parents of young children, even up to elementary school aged children. It's helped me stay calmer the past couple weeks and I think Anna has enjoyed some of the new things we've been trying.

View all my reviews

un-stalked

2011-06-15T14:33:00.002-05:00

Thanks for coming out of the woodwork guys! One of the best things about that post was finding some old friends and the blogs of family members that I had forgotten existed.

And I'm hoping McKay was right with his spider/web crawler theory.

And to McKay, and my other college friends and roommates from 2005: It is a beautiful, sunny, breezy summer day in MA right now and though I really truly loved spending 2 hours at the park and library with my kids, I could really go for some renegade FHE right now. I'm imagining frisbee, rootbeer floats, records, and laughing while lounging on cool grass and warm pavement. Why don't you all just transport yourselves to the lawn behind my apartment, say 7 PM EST?

blog stalkers

2011-06-12T14:11:00.004-05:00

OK guys. I'm all about not having my blog be private. My average number of comments per post in the past year has plummeted significantly, (I get it... I moved...no one here even knows I have a blog) so I can't afford to go private and alienate those few people I know read and/or comment on my blog (I'm talking about you, Alisa, Laurie, and Marci!)

But seriously, I've had this tracker on my side bar for a while now which shows me where in the world my readers are coming from, and I just want to say, who on earth are you?

No. Really. Who are you?

It's cool if you are a friend of friend's cousin trolling around during your own kid's naptime. No worries. I've been there. But don't just hang around, never introducing yourself. You wouldn't do that in real life, and though this is no where near real life, it's still a little rude.

I have a little list of places that have popped up on the tracker that are unfamiliar to me. Meaning, I can't for the life of me think of anyone I know who lives there. Most likely, I'm about to embarrass myself by publishing on my public blog that I have forgotten, where you, my good friend, who I care about, lives. But I hope maybe a few of you other readers who I haven't met in real life could take a minute, and tell me a little about yourself. If nothing else, maybe my comment numbers will be up...

Goose Creek, SC
Invermere, British Columbia
Wiarton, Ontario
Jacksonville, FL
Killeen, Wylie, and Stafford, TX
De forest, WI
Norcross, GA
Emden, Niedersachsen
Neermoor Niedersachsen
Ihrhove, Niedersachsen

All kidding aside, I love knowing people actually read what I post here, so go ahead and tell me you read it. High school aqcuaintances, parents of friends, brief college buddies, old friends, and strangers alike are all welcome here. Just as long as I know your name :)

this month is such a special one

2011-06-08T14:18:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday Sam!

Sam's birthday was two days ago. It was pretty low key considering he started school last week and it's a long commute to and from Cambridge. But I did adapt this Ogden Nash poem for him to demonstrate my enormous confidence in his abilities. We love you, Sam!

The Adventures of Samuel

Samuel once worked for giant Dow.
He barely survived, though I don’t know how.
The meetings were long. The meetings were boring.
One boss was self-serving, another: snoring.
They wiffled and waffled over where to move him;
They refused a raise despite reviews to prove him.
Samuel, Samuel didn’t worry.
Samuel didn’t scream or scurry.
He did his work while he quietly plotted
To come back in two years with Dow utterly besotted.

An MIT schooling can be rather haunting
But Samuel scarcely found it daunting.
Arbitage, dividends, contingent immunization,
Funding risk, principal, negative amortization!
With speed and with fury the jargon was flung
While to b-school glossaries peers desperately clung.
Samuel, Samuel didn’t worry.
Samuel didn’t scream or scurry.
Of grace and self-bearing Sam is quite the possessor.
He picked up the chalk and taught the professor.

But the most frightening force brave Samuel met
Was Anna and Levi—a terrible set!
When with rage or hunger they weren’t loudly crying
They giggled and squiggled with vigor undying.
“Daddy-cabaddy!” Anna shouted, “Let’s spin!”
While Levi pounded a deafening din.
Samuel, Samuel didn’t worry.
Samuel didn’t scream or scurry.
He kept his wits and he kept his head
And he read those children to sleep in their beds.

the latest craftiness

2011-05-23T11:56:00.006-05:00

Occasionally I'll do something crafty. I like to document these occasions since they still feel rare for me. But as I'm discovering which crafts I enjoy and which I loathe, I'm getting better at doing them more since I've stopped doing the kinds of crafts that make me want to rip my eyeballs out.

And on that pleasant note, here you go.

I bought this shower curtain and bath mat at Target the night we moved here and it helped ease some moving jitters to have one room in the house look a little lived in. I loved the pictures on it and I decided to paint them on some canvases to hang on the wall. I started around last September and finished in February or so. It actually only took about half an hour to paint a canvas, it was just weeks between each one getting done... But, now they're done and I love them. They'll probably get moved to the kids' room when we move (because we'll likely only have one bathroom) but they'll match perfectly there too.

Which one is your favorite?

And then, a couple weeks ago, Amy sent us this adorable hooded towel she made which matches perfectly! Anna loves wrapping up in it and being a "big orange burrito." Thank you Amy!

And the to finish the bathroom, I hung a ribbon to hold all of Anna's hair bows which I'm a little OCD about keeping in order.

While I was redecorating the kids room (which involved buying them new blankets and a new curtain- nothing too fancy) I made a heart shaped pillow for Anna from some left over pink fleece I had and the remnants of a pink flowered fleece blanket that had been used for another project. It turned out really wonky, so there's no picture. Even Sam admitted it looked a little pathetic. BUT, I used the scraps to make this little outfit for Anna's doll.

I think she likes it :)

And finally, I made these cupcakes for our little Joy School "graduation" party. I always thought graduations from any school before high school were ridiculous, and had any of us been more solemn about it, it would have been. Instead, it was mostly just a fun party where the kids got to see pictures of themselves and then go crazy at the excitement of being with each other and getting to eat these cupcakes I made. Thanks to Claire for making the cute crafty hats! Anna wore hers to our visiting teaching visit this morning and again while she ate her leftover cupcake after lunch :)

a spring break

2011-05-11T21:24:00.000-05:00

In April, I took the kids to Utah to visit my parents for a week. Traveling was not fun. Layovers with 2 kids are nightmares. Being delayed 2 1/2 hours because a luggage cart runs into your plane is only now laughable because a friend from Texas happened to be on our same flight out of Phoenix and she helped me manage my kiddos as they dissolved into over-tired oblivion in the middle of the airport. But enough complaining. Here's the fun we had:

We planned our trip to be there while my sister-in-law Rachel and nephew Elliott were visiting and Elliott was SO excited to see Anna and Levi. I can still hear his little voice asking for them whenever he couldn't see them.
"Anna? Wevi?"

Levi and Bridget showed affection by grabbing each others faces. We didn't get to see as much of Karen and her kids as we would have liked since they all got nastily sick :( Karen did give us two of our favorite books for birthday presents though! Thanks Karen!

We visited Temple Square and then the zoo

Gotta love an ipod touch

and baking chocolate cake (I just can't get enough of this cake)

Levi was so happy to be riding a bike like the big kids. Though while outside his eyes started gooping up. We thought it was allergies but when it didn't clear up, we took him to the doctor. He had pink eye and an ear infection. Luckily, the pink eye medicine sample guy had come to the instant care center that morning, so we got plenty of eye drops for the whole family and some antibiotics for Levi.

I was happy to have a visit from my beautiful and fun cousin Martha (who I absolutely adore), her kids, and my great-Aunt Shirley who was impressed that Anna knew what a cowl neck was.

Another memorable event was going swimming at the Springville pool. Anna was simply giddy with glee. (She has been asking to go swimming since February, at least. We kept telling her that we'd go when it got warmer, but that wasn't really working for her, so I told her that when all the trees have leaves on them, we'll go swimming. She went on the back patio a couple weeks ago and said, "Mama! The trees have leaves! It's time to go swimming!") She literally giggled for the entire hour we were at the pool and swam and splashed and played her little heart out.

And the next night we got to eat dinner at Brick Oven with Sam's brother Jacob and his beautiful fiance Lauren. Though Anna acted really shy for most of the time, after we left, she couldn't stop talking about Lauren and how "she is a good job at soccer" and how she is going to marry Uncle Jacob in the temple. We are all so happy that she is joining the Cosby family.

My favorite part of the trip was how little whining I heard from Anna! There are just too many fun toys and games and attentive relatives at Grandma's house to ever have to resort to whining. In the evenings, Rachel and I enjoyed watching North and South, talking, and seeing pictures from Mom's trip to Israel. It was nice to spend some time with her and get to know her better. Despite all the inconvenience and sickness, it was well worth the trip and was a much needed break for me. Thank you Mom for letting us come and and relax and have fun!

she's 3!

2011-05-08T14:57:00.009-05:00

Happy Birthday Anna!

Going to bed as a 2 year old

Waking up as a 3 year old!

Anna turned 3 on May 3rd-- her golden birthday! Anna knew for weeks that her birthday was "coming up," and was very excited about it. Cake was #1 on her birthday priority list. Out of all the pictures I showed her, she narrowed it down to a jeep cake and a castle cake, and the pink castle-- "like Grandma Becky's castle"-- won. When we asked Anna what she wanted to eat on her birthday, she said, "Cake!" When we asked her what she wanted to eat for dinner, she said, "Cake!" When we explained that we would eat the cake after dinner, she said, "I just want cake." Finally, after showing her pictures of food we could make for dinner, she chose silly face pizzas on english muffins-- and cake. Finally, we asked her if she wanted any friends to come over on her birthday and she asked for her two friends from Joy School (her preschool) to come.

On her birthday we woke her up with balloons, which is Stay family tradition. Then she opened a present, a strawberry outfit from Grandma Ruth, which she wanted to wear immediately. She had Trix for breakfast and couldn't get enough of the tissue paper balls we hung from the ceiling.

Anna was excited that her Trix matched the tissue balls. She's blowing a noise maker that has a cardboard butterfly on it. These are the "butterflies" she's referring to in the video earlier in the post.

For the rest of the morning, we opened and played with presents. We went on a walk to the playground. It was a beautiful, warm sunny day and we all enjoyed playing in the sand and in the swings. After lunch we mixed up Anna's birthday cakes and then the kids napped while I finished baking.

Thank you Grandma Ruth!

Anna's one toy present (aside from a book). We've all been getting check-ups lately :)

Thank you Grandma Becky!

Singing a song after licking the cake beaters

Once Sam got home, I finished up the cake (which was much harder than it looked) while he cut up some veggies and fruit for dinner. Then our friends arrived and the party began! Anna had a blast eating and playing with her friends. She got to eat as many Cheetos as she wanted and couldn't have been happier. Then we sang and blew out candles and cut into the now dangerously sagging castle. I'll have to remember that you can either have a yummy cake, or a sturdy cake. We all enjoyed the yummy cake and Anna was super excited about her castle, so I'll call it a success.

silly face pizzas

The sagging castle :)

This is the face Anna made when I asked her to smile. What a goof!

Once the kids were all sufficiently hyped on sugar (in addition to their cake and ice cream they each ate one of the sugar cone spires which is like sugar spread with sugar dipped in sugar....yuck) we sent everyone home and put the kids in the bath. Anna didn't fall asleep for a very long time, so I think she had a very happy birthday :)

And now, because this post isn't long enough yet...here are some things about Anna being 3.

She has switched from saying, "Yep" to everything to saying, "Nope." Even as she's doing what I'm asking her to, she's saying "No" to it. I guess this is what being 3 is all about.
She loves to make up nonsense words, make silly rhymes, and sing silly words to songs.
Anna loves to "read" books by making up words while looking at the pictures. Sometimes the words go along with the pictures, other times the words are mash-ups of stories we've read recently, lyrics to songs, words from the scriptures or Articles of Faith. I LOVE listening to her do this and I can't wait until it translates into her making up real stories.
She's potty trained*
She's way more active than she used to be. She can't get enough of jumping, running, and climbing. She can climb most playground equipment now.
She talks non-stop and likes to explain things to us. She will tell us, "It's my turn" and then proceed to tell us everything she's thinking about (usually a book she read, toy she played with, or little movie she saw that day).
She's learning the art of the tantrum and can throw herself on the ground with all the passion of a Gothic romance novel
She loves her brother and we often find books and toys and blankets in Levi's crib in the mornings that Anna deposited there for his entertainment the previous evening, often after he's already fallen asleep.
She sometimes has imaginary friends. The name "June" comes up often when she's playing by herself, and sometimes, "Jackdilly and June"
She likes having friends. Almost every time we go to the playground now I will overhear Anna going up to someone and saying, "Hi! My name's Anna. What's your name?" and it makes me smile every time.
She still loves and needs her mommy and while it drives me crazy sometimes, most of the time I'm happy to have any bit of little girl I can get because she's growing into a big girl SO quickly!

Happy Birthday Anna! We love yooooou...... THIS MUCH!

*Experienced moms: watch for a post later this week with me begging for how to make her more potty independent!

another princess

2011-04-29T15:25:00.002-05:00

Just have to say that Kate Middleton looked absolutely beautiful and radiant today. I would donate a kidney to get to wear that dress for a day.

princess

2011-04-24T14:50:00.002-05:00

This is not what Anna wore to church for Easter, but I don't have a picture of that, so this will have to do. Anna wore this to church last week and her hair ended up in these perfect ringlets that day (with a little help de-frizzing from me) and everyone she saw called her a princess. To which Anna would reply, "I'm not a princess. I'm just a girl."

"will you ride a school bus, daddy?"

2011-04-14T13:18:00.003-05:00

That is what our dear sweet Anna asked Sam when he told her he was going back to school. And he just might take a bus from Lincoln Labs since they've got a free shuttle to his soon to be Alma Mater, MIT!

That's right, my incredibly talented, smart, hardworking husband earned (and prayed) himself a spot (one of 50) in the MIT LGO program, which is a dual degree program to earn a Master of Science in engineering and an MBA from the Sloan School of Management. (FYI- LGO stands for Leaders of Global Operations)

What's that you say? Why yes he did get accepted to both THE BEST engineering school in the country and the #3 MBA program in the country. Needless to say, I'm more (....much much much more...) than a little proud of him, and extremely grateful to our Heavenly Father for this wonderful blessing.

So far we've both been to some open house meetings where he got to meet his future classmates and I got to meet their wives, fiances, and girlfriends. We're waiting to hear whether we got in at married student housing. We (and by we I mean Sam) have filled out all sorts of financial aid forms, planned out two years of coursework, and tried to figure out the best time to move.

We're so excited to have this opportunity, and though it will of course be a lot of work and sacrifice for the both of us, we have no doubt it will be well worth it.... if for no other reason than that we'll get to dress Levi in this awesome onesie.

these people have obviously never interacted with a child

2011-04-13T15:32:00.003-05:00

Because if they had, they would know that no one under the age of 6 can resist neon toe nails, boy or girl, especially if Mommy is having so much fun with it first.

happy birthday levi!

2011-03-29T14:33:00.007-05:00

Levi then

Levi now

Levi is 1!!!!

The last year has gone by so quickly, and though I loved cuddling with little, tiny newborn Levi, I am very excited to have almost-toddler Levi storming around the house and making us laugh at every turn.

The day before, Levi had his 1 year check-up. He's 21 lbs 9 oz which is 25-50th %ile for weight and 28-30 in tall (...I forget...) which is about 75 %ile for height, and he certainly looks long and lean right now compared with a few months ago. After the doctor, we brought cupcakes- which Anna also helped me make- to our playgroup.

Anna made this card for Levi. It says, "Happy Birthday Levi" and she wrote many of the letters all by herself, and the others I held her hand while we made them

Anna drew the picture on the front. It's a pink spiral birthday cake with yellow candles and red sprinkles. There's also a little balloon just left of center.

We kept things relatively simple (aside from way too much baking for one day) for Levi's actual birthday. I hung up our "happy birthday" banner and Anna helped me wrap up Levi's presents. Grandma Ruth sent some adorable clothes and PJs and fun helicopter (which is teaching us how to take turns...) and then I bought a few kinds of puffs. It looked like quite the pile and Anna was very excited to have a party.

Birthday morning

Birthday afternoon

Birthday evening

The beloved helicopter

Our cake was the cake from this recipe with Ina Garten's soul-healing peanut butter frosting. It's definitely ranks in the top 10 cakes I've ever eaten. I gush over every piece, and I'm not even really a cake person!

Once Sam came home, we ate dinner, sang, and opened some presents. Anna got some PJ's too and loves them. They're her new running clothes, which, if you've read the last few posts, you know is quite a big deal. Levi loved his cake, though he was much more tidy with than Anna was on her first birthday. Still, we can't eat the left overs in front of him without him yelling and reaching for it.

Levi loved his froggy card

Levi has always been and continues to be a very happy boy. He loves to play with toys and take things out of their containers. He laughs all the time, especially at his sister. He plays pat-a-cake, and peek-a-boo all by himself now. He'll pull absolutely anything over his eyes and then pull it away to hear us say, "Where's Levi? Peek-a-boo!" He's a speedy crawler, but can't stop squealing with delight when we pull out the walker. He loves to chase after Anna, cars, balls, and Mommy. He loves to clap and give high-fives. Levi loves tickles and cuddles and gets lots of both. But the thing Levi is known for at church, playgroup, and what people comment on wherever we go is how happy and easy-going he is. He is a wonderful, peaceful boy to have around and I can't wait to see him learn and grow during this next year.

Happy Birthday Levi! We love you!

why it takes so long to do anything with kids

2011-03-25T20:48:00.001-05:00

After Anna's friends leave our house after Joy School, I say, "Let's eat lunch and then make Levi's birthday cake." It's 11:30. I pick up Levi to put him in the high chair and notice a stink. I change his diaper while Anna jumps on the mattress on the floor. We head back to the kitchen. 11:40. Anna helps make her lunch by getting handfuls of crackers and raisins while I cut some circles and squares of cheese. Levi is protesting by this point, so I give him a handful of cheerios and when I turn around, Anna is using the knife to cut her cheese bits in half.

Anna takes her lunch to her seat while I microwave some peas and cut up some carrots for something healthy for the kids to eat. Levi has finished the cheerios and I give him a drink of milk. The peas finish and I give half to each kid. I put the carrots in the microwave. I open a cup of yogurt to eat something for myself, but Levi has finished his peas and is yelling again. I give him some dried fruit. The carrots finish cooking. I give half to Anna and chop a few more into smaller bites for Levi. 11:55. Anna whispers, "I need to go potty!"

I tell Anna to go and give the carrots to Levi. He tries a few, but keeps spitting them out (they're still too big) and swiping them off his tray. Anna runs back in the kitchen without any pants. "I need the little potty, Mom. I can't use the big potty. I'm too little." So I put the training seat on the big potty, but Anna cries and fights and says she wants the little potty on the floor. She gets her thumb caught under the seat and hurts it. We cuddle till she calms down and can go retrieve the other half of the little potty (which we'd used as a stool during joy school). I get her seated on the little potty and go back to a yelling Levi in the kitchen. 12:10.

I gather all the carrots off his tray and the floor and put them in the food mill, which has a stuck blade that needs to be fiddled with before it will work. I grind up the carrots. Anna runs in with poopy toilet paper in her hands. "I'm wiping from front to back!" Back to the bathroom (with the food mill still in my hand, for some reason) where I wipe off Anna's hands and bum. Anna dumps out the little potty cup, but the wipes got stuck to the bottom and fall on the floor. I clean that up, washed my hands, and tell Anna to do the same, using soap.

I return to the kitchen (12:22) and mix the mashed carrots with some applesauce and begin feeding Levi, while taking a few bites of my now-room-temperature yogurt. I hear a crash in the bathroom. I go in to find the sink filled with water and the toothbrush holder floating in it. I open the sink drain and ask Anna if she has used soap yet. "Nope" I leave her with the soap and return to Levi. I get through about half my yogurt and his food when I hear Anna say, "Dry your hands and turn out the light." SUCCESSS!!!

Anna comes running in and asks, "Can I get my favorite treat please?" One fruit snack and two M&M's somehow became her potty reward (called "my favorite treat." From Signing Time, maybe?), and I'm not ready to give it up yet because this is the first week we've had without accidents and with Anna telling me she needs to go. "Let me give Levi one more bite." Anna waits expectantly in front of the pantry. "They're up there, Mom." I give her the fruit snacks and M&M's and let her pick out which colors she wants. She, amazingly, puts them away on a lower shelf and I wonder if I can trust her to leave them there and get her own treats after potty. We'll see....

I finish feeding Levi and finish my yogurt. I ask Anna if she's done with her lunch. She is and I tell her to let me and Levi eat the rest of it. Levi eats about seven goldfish and a square inch of cheddar while I polish off three raisins, about a dozen carrot bites, and half a cheese stick. Anna puts her milk and Levi's bottle in the fridge for later. I put the dishes in the dishwasher and Anna fills up the soap. I wash both kids' hands and faces. It's 12:45.

Levi has another poopy diaper. Anna asks me to read her a story. Green eggs and ham. We play with blocks. The cake! I nearly forgot. 1:05. An hour before nap time. Plenty of time! I start buttering the pans and tell Anna to get out the sugar. I trace around the pan on some parchment paper and hear a shaking sound. I see Anna with her hand in the nonpareils. "Please take your hand out and put them away." Anna pulls her hand out fast and sprinkles fly all over the kitchen. "Are you going to clean it up, Mom?" I tell Anna that it's her mess and she should help me by holding the dust pan. I try sweeping them, but they just roll all over. I tell Anna we need to use the vacuum and she hides in the laundry closet. I consider making her use the vacuum to clean up her mess, but that would just be cruel. 1:19. I vacuum up most of the sprinkles and open the laundry closet to get in there. Anna sprints to my bedroom and shuts the door. I finish vacuuming and put it away. "Anna, I'm done with the vacuum, lets make the cake!....Anna! Anna? Where are you?" I wander into her room, the bathroom, and remember she's in my room.

I open the door. "Mom, can you wash my hands?" Anna has climbed on a box and squirted my lotion all over her hands and rubbed it all over the top of our very dusty bookcase. I sit on the bed laughing until I scoop Anna up and take her to the sink. I wash her hands and get back to prepping the pans. I ask Anna to get out the kitchen scissors to cut the parchment paper. She gets out the ice cream scoop. I cut the parchment with the other scissors sitting on the counter while Anna sings, "If you're happy and you know it hammer the door!" *BAM* *BAM* I realize we need to move to the next step in the instructions. It's 1:35.

We make the cake with only moderate amounts of flour and cocoa being flung on the walls and counter. Anna cracks the eggs all by herself. I thank her for her help and tell her to play while I finish with the pans. I butter, paper, butter again, and flour each pan. I pour in the batter and stick it in the oven. 2:10 I go to find Anna. She's in my bathroom, standing on the toilet with a bottle of lotion in her hands. A guilty look and quick smile. "Can you put soap on my hands, Mommy?" This time I don't laugh (thankfully she couldn't figure out how to unlock the pump). I take her to her room and we have a talk about how I'm happy to share my things but she needs to ask first. Levi comes in and starts nuzzling us. He smells again. I change his diaper. We jump on the bed a bit longer, take some birthday pictures, and I put the kids down for their naps, only half an hour late.

winter hike

2011-03-13T21:05:00.003-05:00

Last Saturday we took a little hike in the Acton Town Forest behind our apartments. It was a beautiful day and Anna loved jumping off the snow covered boulders and snapping dead twigs. Even Levi finally enjoyed himself on the snow since it was packed down enough to crawl on.

And THANK YOU! Grandma Ruth for the "fuzzy coat." Anna loves it and wears it all the time. She especially loves putting the hood up and putting her hands inside the satin-y pockets and strutting around the house.

the funk, the haze, a general malaise

2011-03-09T21:04:00.002-06:00

Depression? I certainly don't think so. I've been through that before, and this is not that bad. I've just got this general feeling of discontent. Like somethings not quite right and I can't tell what it is. I'm certain spring and getting outside will help assuage this feeling.

In the meantime, I've spent lots of time counting my blessings, trying to stay on the sunny side. When I get in a funk, I have trouble sleeping so I have lots of time to think... (...hazy, sleep-deprived thoughts). My kids are healthy, cute, happy, and love to learn. They love each other. They love me. Sam's working hard and does all he can to help at home. I've got good books and food. I'm healthy. I've got opportunities to grow and stretch and learn that keep my mind and spirit active. When I think of these things I am truly, humbly, so so grateful to God who makes them so.

When pangs of lonliness hit today, I called a dear, dear friend and almost-grandmother to my children. It brought me out of the slump for a few hours. And my various creations keep my hands busy and give me little jolts of accomplishment.

Still, there's always that something pushing its way in, elbowing out my patience and goodwill and inviting in all sorts of doubt and selfishness, pulling me in the wrong directions.

So, I guess this is just to say, I'm trudging, and pulling back, and hopefully I'll find some solid ground soon.

anna cosby's 30 second shred

2011-03-06T20:25:00.003-06:00

I recently bought this workout video for $1 on Amazon. Anna joined me in exercising to it one morning and afterward, we made our own little workout video. Pull on your sweats, get a bottle of water, and enjoy! (Hand weights are optional, though not recommended as you might hurt yourself if you try to mimic the instructor's form...)

P.S. Anna is wearing her "running shoes" that I mentioned here that were given to us in a bag of hand-me-down boy clothes for Levi. She also has to pull up her pants so they make shorts whenever she runs or exercises since shorts are the proper exercise attire.

P.P.S. We are so grateful to have this $50 thrift store couch that our kids can eat on, build forts on, and use as a trampoline. This winter has been brutal and having a little rumpus on the couch has saved us from going crazy many a time.

we love to celebrate love

2011-03-04T15:25:00.004-06:00

A little late, but the kids were too cute not to share these pictures. In case you can't tell, I love celebrating Valentine's Day because it's just another excuse to tell the people you love that you love them, and do things that make them feel special. And that always makes for a great day.

Anna's "pink breakfast." There was toast cut into one big heart (with strawberry jam) and two little hearts (with nutella and pink sprinkles), strawberry yogurt, strawberries and blueberries, and some strawberry milk (in a pretty cup, with a lady bug charm-- thanks Susan!)

This was a huge hit. I cannot count the number of times we have had pink breakfasts in the month since Valentine's Day.

I told Anna to show me the Valentine she was holding and this is what I got. She's getting so goofy and makes me laugh all the time. The baggie is filled with Teddy Grahams and has a tag that says "BEAR HUGS! from Anna and Levi." We brought them to play group for all our friends there and then she brought them to Joy School. Thank you Family Fun!

Looking dapper for Valentine's Day!

Anna and I made chocolate covered strawberries for Daddy after she came home from her Joy School party. She was a pro and I stopped hovering and started taking pictures after her first two strawberries turned out perfectly.

I decorated Sam's car with some hearts with messages on them while he was showering, and taped some valentines inside Anna's door for her. Sam had his Harvard interview that afternoon, so we didn't do anything big, but I made this pizza (oh. my. goodness. That is some darn good pizza) for dinner, and we had these smoothies for dessert. Sam brought me flowers that were beautiful and lasted forever.

the empire state

2011-02-28T14:06:00.010-06:00

We had a great time in New York. Absolutely nothing went as planned. There was more than one melt-down...per day. Both kids came home with fevers, strep throat, and an ear infection for Levi.

But still, we really did have a great time! Here is every detail...

On Wednesday, we drove from MA to Staten Island (where Sam's Hilton points would get us not just one night, but two!) in only about 4 hours which was amazing considering the snowstorm that ended about an hour before we left. Once we got there, we found out they'd given us a bigger suite and had a crib and coloring book for Anna. All those nights Sam spent in the London Hilton away from his family paid off in earning Gold Member status, and we sure enjoyed those perks. We promised Anna we'd go swimming the minute we got to the hotel, but alas, it was closed, so we "swam" in the tub and put two very excited kids to bed.

On Thursday we ate a slow but very yummy complimentary breakfast in the morning before packing up every warm item of clothing we had into the stroller and taking the free ferry to Manhattan. The ferry goes right by the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, so we pointed those out to Anna and promised we'd read a book about the statue once we got to the library.

First we were late, so hope of catching story time was lost. We got separated on the subway since we didn't think to collapse our strollers, so Sam was a train behind me. (Over the course of the trip Sam got really sick of hauling strollers up and down stairs.) At Grand Central we admired the turquoise ceiling and then headed to the library... in the wrong direction. Anna was freezing and mad and hungry. (Our biggest lesson of the trip is this: don't take babies or toddlers to New York when it's freezing, snowy, icy, and windy.)

We got some pictures by the lions and headed to the childrens' section. They have the original Winnie the Pooh toys that were actually owned by Christopher Robin there, and Anna was excited to see those. Levi was excited to nurse and be released from his bear suit for a while. We found some picture books on the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island and told Anna about her great-great-Grandmother Anna who saw that statue and came through that island when she came to America from Sweden. It was a sweet moment for me.

I am SO SO glad I brought these boots on the trip. They might have taken up half a suitcase, but they kept me warm and dry the entire time.

When everyone was recharged, we walked through Times Square and up Broadway, then over to Rockefeller Center. We got some pizza for lunch and the girls at the restaurant kept giving Anna samples of gelato. Sam then took the kids to watch the ice skating and I went into 30 Rock and had the security desk ring up my friend from high school, Katie Primm, who works on the breaking news team for NBC. They gave me a badge and I met Katie at the elevators. She took me around and showed me Brian Williams studio, and the news room, and tried to get me up to see SNL, but they were rehearsing. Though that was all very cool, it was mostly fun to see Katie doing exactly what she said she would when we visited NYC together our senior year of high school, 10 years ago.

After Rockefeller, we popped in the Lego store and then headed up to FAO Schwartz. Anna played on the BIG piano while I fed Levi and then we wandered around the store. Anna colored a picture with crayons that fit on your fingers and the craft lady gave her a tissue paper flower. She designed a Barbie doll, and played with puppets, and was excited to see Fancy Nancy dolls. We let Anna pick out a few pieces of candy and then headed off to meet Jake for dinner.

We got turned around, again, but finally met him, by which time both kids were asleep. We went to the Shake Shack for burgers (which lived up to their hype) and concretes (also delicious despite the fact that our hands were numb we had to eat them under heating lamps). Jake had to leave pretty soon afterward since he and some friends had won front row seats for Wicked that night. Sam and I were both feeling a little jealous, but both came to the conclusion that we'd been there, done that, had our fun while we were single and could travel, and now we're having a different kind of fun.

We made it home with just enough time for a quick swim before the pool closed for the night. Anna tried floaties on her arms for the first time and was gleefully giggly at being able to swim all by her self. It was definitely her favorite part of the trip.

On Friday we again ate our leisurely breakfast while all the Hilton kitchen employees cooed at our children. Once we got to Manhattan we wandered around the Financial District. We tried to take a picture at the bull, but it was surrounded by a tour bus full of Asians, so we went over to Ground Zero and were amazed at the construction progress there. From there we went to Wall Street and saw all the traders being treated to free food and games out on the plaza in front of the stock exchange. Then we headed back to the bull, but it was still encased in tourists, so we snapped a picture from across the street and hopped on the subway to go to PB & Co. for lunch. Their sandwiches were a little disappointing, but their desserts and PB hot chocolate were worth it.

After changing Levi's blowout diaper we went to meet my friend Lizzie and her boys at the Manhattan Childrens Museum. The kids played and I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with Lizzie who I haven't seen since she got married and moved to Hawaii halfway through college. By this point Levi was looking exhausted and feeling a bit warm. Lizzie let me borrow her mei tei, but he wouldn't go to sleep. After a few hours, we bundled up the kids and rushed to Jacob's track meet.

Anna and Oliver playing on the bus

my very warm, very red faced children (and Oliver)

proof that all 4 kids were in the museum at the same time

(check out Lizzie's blog The Mother Runner. It's full of inspiration, funny stories of life and running in New York [which I have a whole new level of appreciation for now], and delicious recipes. I'm currently enjoying soupfest!)

We arrived just a few minutes before his race and got settled in to a spot. Anna was enthralled by the runners. She has talked of nothing but running and racing since then. She wears some hand-me-down boy sneakers with shorts and a t-shirt (since that's what you wear to run, obviously) and runs all over the house. Sam and I love it.

Jake literally ran into us as he was warming up, so we wished him luck. He ran a great race and we all had fun cheering on him and the rest of his BYU relay team. It really was worth the whole trip to go be in a big cheering crowd watching someone we love do something amazing.

(Please excuse my crazy hair. I'm blaming it on a feverish baby. Please excuse the bad lighting. I had nothing to do with that.)

While Jacob was cooling down, I started getting worried about Levi who was burning up by this point. He slept for a bit while I held him and Anna jumped up and down the stairs in between races. Finally, we met up with Jake and a couple of his teammates to hunt down a Salvadoran restaurant for dinner. When we found it, we knew it had to be the right place from the bumping Latin music and folding tables.

Sam ordered us a heaping mound of pupusas and the girls working in the restaurant took turns holding Levi and playing with him. Sam said that when he was in El Salvador people would stop him all the time. It's apparently good luck to look into blue eyes in El Salvador, and babies with blue eyes (which happens occasionally) are nearly magical, so Levi was a hot item. We had a fabulous time eating without utensils and without distractions and enjoying the company of Jacob and his friends. On the way out, Sam even met someone who knew some of the people he'd met in El Salvador.

We left late, prayed and prayed during the train and ferry ride, and arrived at our parking garage half an hour after it closed. Still silently praying, a lone taxi drove by which we hailed and were getting into when the parking lot attendant said he'd open the garage for us. We thanked him profusely and found a ticket on our windshield waiting to be processed in the morning. We shoved that deep in the trash bag in our car and headed to CVS to get some tylenol for our feverish baby. We got to the hotel around midnight and everyone crashed into bed.

Then next morning we decided to just head home, but ended up driving over the Brooklyn Bridge and up Manhattan's west side on our way out of the city, so we got to see a few more sites. It was certainly a roller coaster of a trip with fun highs and some nasty lows, but we loved the ride and would do it again in a heart beat.

thank you for your patience

2011-02-20T20:45:00.002-06:00

Despite the fact that I haven't blogged about it, we really did go to New York. And took adorable pictures on Valentines Day. And sang some songs for a video during which Anna would not let me stop recording.

But I won't be blogging about any of that quite yet. See, I've come around to that I'm-spending-too-much-time-online phase of life again and was praying for help to resist the lure of the computer during nap time. My prayers became more and more fervent as I failed day after day until I was pleading for a way to say no.

The next day, I turned on the computer and it became clear that a recent Windows update had wiped our hard drive clean. Prayer answered.

That day, I read an entire book and finished some crocheting instead of being online. It felt good. Sam has since been spending the evenings putting our computer back together from our backup hard drive. I don't know what I would do without him.

So until I get all my pictures back, I won't be blogging. And, if I keep praying the way I have been, it might not be for quite a while :)

wait wait ... i love you

2011-02-14T14:29:00.005-06:00

nyc

2011-01-29T22:41:00.002-06:00

We're heading down to NYC for a few days next week. On our list right now are some children's museums our Discovery Museums pass will get us into for free, story time at the NY public library, FAO Schwartz, Central Park strolling, and shopping at H&M. We're staying on Staten Island and heard the ferry has some great views of the Statue of Liberty. Sam might pull some strings and visit the NYSE on his own.

Anyone have some other ideas for us? Where to eat with kids? Wholesale craft or fabric shops I can't miss? Little known secrets or out of the way places that we've got to get to? Please oh please enlighten me.

makes me want to kiss his tummy and nibble his toes

2011-01-23T14:24:00.008-06:00

Sam's parents have a beautifully decorated home. Whenever we go I'm packing away little ideas I see all around their home to use once we have a home of our own. One of the things that I love most are the giant plushy sheepskin rugs his mom has all over the house. They soft and warm and have that beautiful natural wool creamy color. She has one on the floor of their master bath and my extra long showers (thanks to babysitters) were all the more luxurious with that to step onto at the end.

But I'm not the only one who loved those sheepskins. Levi loved to lay on them without clothes and feel that wooly warmth all over his baby soft skin. The sight was just begging for a photo...or 14...

And while we're on the subject of Levi, he was almost 9 months old in those pictures and he is now almost 10 months.
He started cruising last week and is highly pleased with himself.
He's eating mostly normal food now and grabs the spoon and throws it on the ground if I try to give him jarred baby food.
He's been sick for months with cold symptoms which culminated in a fever a week ago. I took him to the doctor when things started oozing from his ears and got some antibiotics.
He is MUCH happier now and has started playing SO BIG! ("How big is Levi?"...he raises his arms straight up..."SO BIG!") and peek-a-boo which nearly kills me with how cute it is to see his chubby little hands covering his eyes and his big gummy smile when we say "Peek-a-boo!"
He still has no teeth, though it still hurts when he bites.
He is super ticklish and giggly.
He loves his sister and she can make him laugh just by smiling at him.
And, my personal favorite trait of Levi, he loves to give me kisses (which mostly involve him putting his open mouth on my chin or cheek).
He is one beautiful, happy baby boy and we love him!

snow fun

2011-01-21T15:51:00.007-06:00

When we got home from our trip to Texas, there was still a little snow left on the ground, so we went out and made some snowmen.

A few days later, we had a big blizzard that started in the middle of the night and lasted almost the whole next day. It was so snowy that Sam had to work from home, so we took a mid-day break to go outside and play some more.

baby angel :)

Here are the snowmen in the middle of the blizzard. (The big snowman's head fell off, so those are only the bottom two pieces showing)

We've had two more very snow days since. Here's Anna singing "Falling Snow" very gently...

(sorry about the backlighting)

And here are the snowmen after our big snow today. The little one's covered and the big one's almost gone.

We are loving this beautiful white wonderland out our window every day, and even Sam (born in Arizona and raised in Texas) has commented how much he likes the peacefulness and prettiness of falling snow (and he's trying to figure out a way to get a ski or snowboard day in before the season ends). And this New England winter is bringing me back to my Ohio childhood of snow days and Golden Acres sledding and hikes through the snowy woods behind my house. Sam and I both agree Utah's got nothing on New England when it comes to snow. We'll enjoy it as much as we can before a cold and inevitably slushy March comes along :)

happy face

2011-01-18T21:20:00.002-06:00

This is what Anna loves to draw lately.

She was making another, and after she put the eyes in, she said, "This looks like a whale." I'd have to agree.

my budding chef

2011-01-10T17:00:00.000-06:00

I've been wanting to have a play kitchen for Anna for quite a while. She loves to use her little pans and dishes and food to pretend to cook and I love seeing her put some "stew" in the "oven." And though I love encouraging her imagination, I just ached to give her a little something more than the top of a rubbermaid tub for a stove and her little couch for an oven.

A cute new one like this was out of our price range

from Pottery Barn

And even if we got one of the free ones like this that's always popping up on freecycle, where would we put it?

from here

For that matter, even if I got up the gumption to make one like this...

see more hand made beauties inspired by Ana White's genius here

...or even as simple as this, space would always be a concern.

I fell in love when I saw this in Parent's Magazine. See more great ideas here

And that's when a shallow, wide box from soap.com arrived at my door. At first I just put it in our recycle pile, but every time I passed it, it called to me and by dinner time I was convinced. I gathered materials after dinner, and once the kids were in bed, I went at it. Here's the finished product.

I love that I already had everything I used, so not only did it not cost me a cent, but it also used up some junk lying around. And, it fits perfectly on top of that rubbermaid tub that had been the previous stove. Best of all, Anna loves it.

She can wash her pans...

...pick her produce

...taste her soup

...and, of course, dump things out into it!

When she's done, it looks a little something like this...

...which makes Anna one very happy little girl!

P.S. I'm pretty sure it also inspired this, her first recipe.

christmas is more fun with kids

2011-01-01T15:40:00.014-06:00

I had so much fun this month. Anna was excited about everything that had to do with Christmas (except Santa Claus) and we had a blast decorating and baking and partying.

Anna pushing Levi in the wagon she got from Santa at Sam's work Christmas party

Chillin' with Daddy

Sam's parents gave us the ultimate gift by using their frequent flier miles to fly us to Dallas for Christmas.

We had a wonderful time! Anna loved jumping on the trampoline, blowing bubbles, making cookies and cinnamon rolls with Grandma, going to the zoo, eating enough candy to make her sick, watching Richard Scarry's ABCs about fifty times, and mostly just getting to play with Grandma Ruth and Papa Van.

Levi loved wrestling, growling, jumping, and laughing with his uncles, learning how to pull to a stand, snuggling with Grandma, rolling balls around the house, getting tastes of Nutella and other treats from Aunt Katrina, climbing stairs, getting his head rubbed by everyone, and knocking over Papa Van's towers of blocks.

Christmas Morning Pictures

After a few minutes of this...

...Levi looked like this.

Sam and I loved playing games (video-, board-, and trivia-) with the fam, running the inaugural JB (Jiggle Bum or Jingle Bell, depending on who asked) run and having Jacob school us all, watching football, going to the movies (True Grit and Tangled-- I loved them both), going shopping, eating at Joe T Garcias, eating Bluebell every night, cooking (Cubanos, mac and cheese, chocolate raspberry ganache cake), and most of all, letting other people entertain our children.

Can you tell which of us is an NCAA scholarship athlete?

We also enjoyed our Christmas Eve pageant with Anna and Levi acting as the angels; Sam and I as Mary and Joseph; Van, Gordon, and Joe as the wise men; Katrina and Gordon as inn keepers and shepherds; and Jacob as Samuel the Lamanite and the sheep.

Before we left, though, we had our own little Christmas here in MA to give the kids their presents from us and from my parents. Anna got a little laptop (to entertain her when she wants our computers), and a doll she can take in the bathtub and a set of clothes for it. Levi got some cars, trucks, and a ball. It was a fun little preview of years to come when we just have Christmas at our house.

Levi's toy from the work party. Sam is happy that he has a manly toy now.

And one of the best parts about our New Year? Before Anna got up on the 1st, we packed up a garbage bag full of old toys to be rid of, and so far, she hasn't even noticed. Now THAT is going to be a holiday tradition.

must have music

2011-01-01T15:36:00.004-06:00

I got some credit for some free digital downloads at Amazon for something we bought there. Any recommendations on some must-have music?

$100

2011-01-01T14:29:00.003-06:00

Here are some good recommendations for my NYC friends/family or their couch-crashing relatives.

a day to remember

2010-12-16T19:47:00.003-06:00

Today was such a good day I just had to write about it.

I got ready before Sam left for work (the day goes so much better when I do that and I've been making an effort to do it), fed Levi, read my scriptures, and then got the kids dressed.

Anna ate breakfast while Levi napped and I prepped things for the day: making lunch, gathering packages to be sent and items to lend, packing cookies for visiting teaching, printing maps of where we were going. After breakfast Anna told me she needed to go potty and I left her sitting there with some books. She waddled out with her pants around her ankles and said, "I did it!!" And there was pee and poo in the potty. So she earned a candy. And with a little extra time I quickly googled a craft idea and made a painting with Anna to send to my parents with their Christmas gift. And best of all, she loved it and talked about it for the rest of the day.

Then, we were off. First, to playgroup, where Anna got to play with friends and I nursed and fed Levi. All the little girls took turns spooning mashed peas into Levi's mouth and they all loved it. Another mom complimented my kids on their cuteness and politeness.

Anna and I ate lunch in the car and then we drove to our first visiting teaching appointment. I got completely lost, but my wonderful husband spent his lunch break getting me to where I needed to go. While visiting teaching we got to talk about how wonderful the Christmas season is for seeing our children's testimonies of the Savior grow. Anna knew all the people in the nativity and told all about the gifts she's making for others. Levi, bless him, slept the whole appointment. Again, we left with my friend telling me how sweet my children were.

By this point it was nap time for Anna, and time to eat and have a diaper change for Levi, but we went to the store to pick out Christmas presents anyway, which of course took longer than expected since there were more options of some items than I expected and fewer of others. Still, Levi was quiet and Anna played with whatever she could reach on the shelf.

It was a quiet ride home while Anna sucked her thumb but every once in a while she'd burst into song with the primary songs that were playing. I can not describe how much I love her little voice singing, "He KNOWS I will follow Him, give all my life to Him. I feel my Saviors love, the love He freely gives me."

We got home and found a package from my mom waiting for us. Anna, begging to get into bed, fell asleep immediately. I fed Levi and then he played happily while I unwrapped the package. Inside was my Grandma Fawnie's Christmas table runner, ornaments from her tree, and presents for the kids. And at the very bottom were baggies of homemade Andes-ish mints and toffee. I nearly cried. My kids had been so wonderful being dragged around and then I got this taste of home of my dear mother and grandmother and the joy of family and Christmas just wrapped me up.

But, a short hour later, I had the kids back in the car to go to another visiting teaching appointment. We met this friend in her classroom where she's a 6th grade teacher. She had it filled with globes and books and flags and fun projects her class was doing. I could just feel the excitement for learning in her classroom. We talked and laughed and found Boston (where we live) and Tahiti (where Uncle Seth lives) on all the globes. She let Anna pick some prizes from her treasure chest-- pens and a notebook shaped like a purse. Anna nearly had a fit trying to get them open, but I asked her if I could help and all was well. My friend said, "That was amazing! I didn't learn how to do that till my kids were 10!" Again, I felt so grateful for my wonderful parents (and Sam's wonderful parents) who taught us well so that we can be on our way to being good parents. We shared our thoughts about the temple and what we can offer the Lord and marveled at the gifts and grace He gives us. And then she told me how well-behaved my children were and she was glad to see they weren't indulged.

Riding the high of Anna's good behavior, we drove to the library (it was now dinner time) where I had intended to feed Levi, but, bless him even more, he had fallen asleep. I found a book I'd been wanting to read and Anna read some picture books to the baby dolls and teddy bears. I called Sam who was just arriving home and told him to meet me at McDonalds.

Anna and I stopped in the post office where she pushed all the buttons on the package mailing machine and charmed the other mom and daughter waiting behind us in the lobby.

Then, off to McDonalds for a 7PM dinner where Anna was literally bouncing in her seat and nearly shouting with excitement over "chicken nuggets and chocolate milk with DADDY at OLD MCDONALDS!!!!!" So easy to make her happy after such a long day. I told her over and over how proud I was that she had been such a good and patient girl all day.

We came home and had baths and Anna didn't fight brushing her teeth. We sang songs and Anna recited to Daddy the 8th Article of Faith and then were hugs and kisses and Anna singing Mary's Lullabye into her microphone/flashlight. Levi snuggled and giggled and nursed to sleep all cozy and clean and pink and fleecy.

My heart is just bursting with love and joy in my family. I feel so rewarded today for all the hard days and hard work that have come before. It was a day engaged in good causes and I felt peace in that despite all the driving and going. I needed to write down this day so that on all those other days I can come back and read this and be reminded of what we're working for.

Merry Christmas! I hope you get a day filled with as much joy and love and peace this season as this one was.

we really did have a party

2010-12-14T13:09:00.002-06:00

The kids are napping, exhausted from the super fun cookie decorating party we just had at our house. It was so much fun, in fact, that I completely forgot to take any pictures.

I'm kicking myself over that one, but it's pretty easy to imagine four wide-eyed 2-year-olds (and one big sister) slathering their cookies with frosting and dumping toppings on willy nilly.

Anna helped me cut out all the cookies yesterday. She was so patient to wait till all her little friends arrived to start decorating (and eating!) her cookies. She was still sitting at the table frosting and dumping and picking at things long after everyone else was done. Finally, she fell out of her chair and I made her go play with the other kids instead of frosting some more.

We have at least two dozen extra cookies which are going to the Littleton Community Supper tonight.

All in all, I count it as a success.

happy hanukkah

2010-12-01T22:06:00.005-06:00

i made these

2010-11-28T21:27:00.005-06:00

While my mom was here, I asked her to help me make a little outfit for Anna. Mom made the leggings (which unfortunately shrunk in the wash, so they're now capris) and then she walked me through making the shirt. I finally finished it last week.

I made this gorgeous hair too. What a wonderful genetic coincidence to get such beautiful hair.

And finally, my little bear cub. Every day I'm grateful we made his little growl-y self.

splooky

2010-11-15T20:59:00.003-06:00

Anna has a new favorite adjective. It is splooky. This is the latest in a long string of made up words and mispronunciations like, kerrible (rhymes with terrible), boobiebobbie, yeshi, peetypete, tumma (meaning tummy), etc. They are her go-to words when she needs a word but doesn't know the right one.

We've always enjoyed her nonsense words and trying to divine their meaning, but we've really embraced splooky. It's fun to say, can mean anything, and is often used onomatopoeically. Here are a few things Anna has described as splooky:

Levi's spit up
Food on her hands
Water used for painting with water colors
How her stomach feels
Being slippery and soapy in the bath
When she can't do something (like do a button, or put a difficult toy together)
Dirty diapers
Pebbles at the shore of Walden Pond

It's so much fun to have a peek into that little creative brain of hers. She's feeling better from a week-long, whine-inducing illness and was all sunshine and singing and hugs and helpfulness today. We just laughed ourselves silly the whole day and it made me glad to be a mom, even during the splooky times.

i never thought it would start this young

2010-11-03T20:40:00.000-05:00

Anna is into cosmetics. Here are some of her favorite products:

Lipgloss

Nail polish

dip the brush

wipe off the extra

and apply

the final product

Anna even did my nails

Mascara

I love this face. If you want to know Anna's personality, it's right there.

happy halloween

2010-11-02T20:14:00.006-05:00

Our fun started on Thursday night with a party at our apartment complex. We had a pizza dinner with cider and fruit and veggies. Anna loved seeing all the other kids in costumes and was most excited about a little firefighter. We tried to stay for the BINGO game, but Anna didn't really get it and it was too noisy for Levi, so we left. Anna could not believe that she actually got to take candy home in her pumpkin bag! What a great holiday!

(A HUGE thank you to Anna Jo and Jeff for Anna's costume this year! They sent us the costume over 2.5 years ago when they found out we were having a girl and this is the first Halloween it has fit Anna. She LOVED it and put it on several times at home just to admire her cute self in it.)

The excitement was impossible to contain

After getting a little taste of Halloween fun, Anna was all geared up for our church Halloween party on Saturday night and kept talking about how she'd get to wear her costume and get more candy.

Anna's cousin Isabelle sent a little Halloween package with some treats and a craft foam jack-o-lantern to make, so on Saturday morning, we did that and Anna was screaming with excitement after lunch when she got to eat her Halloween fruit snacks (Thanks Belle!)

After lunch we went to the pumpkin patch down the road and picked out some pumpkins. Anna was a little surprised to find that all the pumpkins had dirt on them, so I was glad we got to show her how pumpkins grow on vines on the ground before she gets weird ideas that the magically show up at the grocery store in October.

We came home and gutted one little pumpkin. Anna enjoyed scooping out seeds and guts that I had pulled away from the sides, which I was pleased with. Sometimes I worry she's too sissy about getting dirty, so I'm pleased when she digs into a project like this. After the pumpkin was clean we showed her a few faces we could do but she wasn't really into it. Then Sam suggested we carve BOO ("Like on your bum!"-- see the pictures above) and she loved that idea. She colored while we quickly carved and then we went into a dark room to light a candle in the jack o lantern. She was amazed. There's nothing more fun than seeing kids delight in holiday traditions that are brand new to them.

While the kids napped, I made dinner in a pumpkin for our ward trunk-or-treat, and then we got the kids up to get them dressed so we could go finish setting up at the church. The whole evening went pretty well and Anna had a marvelous time trick or treating at all the cars. Her favorite was a car decked out in Christmas lights with Christmas trees and carols and stockings. She touched every single little colored light. I can't wait for Christmas decorating now! She'll love it!

Post Trunk or Treat pics

Sam tried to moderate Anna's candy consumption while I helped clean up after the activity and then we all went home, exhausted. Anna has been enjoying her halloween candy by sucking on the hard stuff for about 10 seconds before forgetting about it. I then sneak it into the trash. I think it's a good arrangement :)

Happy Halloween!

pumpkin fest 2010

2010-10-31T20:43:00.005-05:00

Not long after we moved here, we got a pass to the Discovery Museums, and are so happy we did. It has quickly paid for itself and also gives us lots of opportunities for creative fun. Take the pumpkin fest they held last weekend:

Anna is really into art these days and spends most of her play time coloring, painting, or playing with playdoh (when she's not reading). She was the very last kid to leave the pumpkin painting station and even then, she only stopped because we told the museum workers to go ahead and take the paints and glitter away. She was soon appeased by the face painting where she chose a black cat and a spider.

Once we went inside to warm up, Sam took Anna all around, but he said they spent most of their time in the play diner. Sam says Anna looks just like me when she cooks-- wearing an apron, opening the oven, moving around pots and pans, turning on the burners, and pushing away little hands that interfere :) (I do let Anna cook with me and try to give her something to do at dinner each day, but I'm still too particular to sacrifice my dinner for the sake of letting her experiment...) Meanwhile, Levi enjoyed himself thoroughly in front of the mirrors.

Next we played with some floating pumpkins and felt their gooey insides. And then we explored the science portion of the museum. Sam said, "Why do we always hang out in that other one? This one is way more interesting." So interesting, in fact, that he kept wandering off to the next exhibit without Anna :) Don't worry. We always found each other, and Anna nearly threw a fit when it was time to leave.

We snagged these pictures with all the big pumpkins first, though.

Happy Halloween from our little pumpkins!

Thank you Grandma Ruth for the super cute Halloween clothes! I could not stop admiring Levi's adorable chubby stripey legs.

Grandpa Roly

2010-10-25T19:14:00.002-05:00

Can't say much today. I will in a few weeks. Thankfully, Karen's good at being eloquent at times like this.
I'll just echo her part about Grandpa loving unconditionally. I have never known a more loving or gentle person. When I saw him today, the memories that came flooding back were of his love for his wife, for me, my husband, and my children.

my college education in a nutshell

2010-10-18T14:53:00.002-05:00

I always enjoy reading about psychology or sociology in the news. Makes me feel like maybe I didn't squander a free college education by getting a social science degree.

It also brings back wonderful memories of sitting in a pink classroom in London with a dozen or so other fantastic people discussing these issues with Renata Forste-- the most down-to-earth professor/mentor/friend I've ever had.

Excuse me while I continue day dreaming.

final installment

2010-10-14T11:39:00.003-05:00

I'm almost done with my no sweets month! You can read how it went here at themotherrunner.com

Any suggestions as to what I should make on Sunday night for dessert? What would you eat if you hadn't had any (or many) sweets for a month?

i have been bested...

2010-10-06T15:08:00.002-05:00

...by really good ice cream. Week 3 of my guest posting at themotherrunner.com is here. If you need motivation for anything this post is for you.

laughing levi, singing anna

2010-10-02T20:54:00.006-05:00

Levi loves to laugh. He laughs for anyone, which makes them feel special, which makes me feel special for having such a wonderful baby. And Anna is just so stinkin' cute with those bouncy blonde curls and smart as a whistle. Between the two of them, strangers are always giving me benevolent smiles.*

Levi can sit really well now. and loves to sit and grab at toys, especially if Anna is around. Those two just love to giggle and gab with each other. Anna is pretty good about making sure Levi always has something to play with, even if she decides she wants the toy he currently has.

When Anna wakes up in the morning, she always wants to go say good morning to Levi. She's starting to want to pick him up and carry him, which scares me. I guess I have to be super diligent about keeping Levi on the floor and never sitting him on the couch or bed since I know she couldn't actually pick him up (he weighed in at 18 lbs 14 oz at his 6 month check up this week) but she could certainly drag him to the ground. Still, I love that they're so enamored with each other since I know it won't always be this way.

Levi is still just a joy to be around and is starting to babble all the time. He has these deliciously adorable squeals that make me laugh every time I hear them. He loves to jump in his exersaucer or doorway jumper and I can tell he's aching to crawl.

Anna sings all the time. We rotate through all the primary songbook CD's and when Anna hears a song she knows she sings along, no matter how many of the words she misses. I love it. And often, she wants to hear the same song over and over and over until she can get it all right while she sings along. I think we listed to Once There Was a Snowman about 150 times last week (which has a slide whistle at the end that sounds like a police siren...not good in the car). I can't get enough of her little voice.

I love my kiddos. Here's a video of Levi laughing for 3 1/2 minutes straight. Enjoy.

*Except, of course, when the kids are screaming...

still going strong-ish

2010-09-29T19:55:00.003-05:00

This is my mantra lately: "I'm doing this for the thrush."

Read week 2 of my sugar-fast at the Mother Runner.

sugar fast

2010-09-22T20:55:00.004-05:00

I'm doing a little sugar fast for a month and blogging about it at The Mother Runner. Come check it out.... and leave a comment if you want to boost my self-esteem a bit. It's been a bit of rough day.

I'll just say this here. I'm on day 3 of this sugar fast and also on day 3 of Anna whining/crying/screaming all day long. If ever a woman needed chocolate, it would be today, and I couldn't eat it. Talk about frustrating.

smarty pants

2010-09-20T20:19:00.002-05:00

The other day, Sam was reading an article about potential 2012 presidential candidates for the Republican Party. Anna came in from the porch, looked at the screen and said, "Party. P-A-R-T-Y" and continued playing.

Apparently, she's learning how to read.

Later that day, however, I got her to eat an entire piece of lunch meat (she goes on hunger strikes when she get's a cold...) by letting her hold a chocolate chip cookie in between bites. She never once actually took a bite of the cookie.

So let's not jump to any conclusions about her cleverness just yet.

a mother who's starting to know

2010-09-16T20:23:00.003-05:00

A confluence of thoughts and experiences led me to blogging today:

Last week I read that 500 women were raped in Congo in July and August by both rebel militias and government troops and cried whenever I thought about it for the rest of the day.

I've been thinking and praying about how to have more patience with Anna and how to say yes more and no less.

My mom shared what was said at an area conference about mothers being online and/or working while at home.

I read King Benjamin's address about teaching our children.

I listened to an interview with Julie Beck and her daughters on the Mormon Channel while I folded laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and got dinner started.

With all this stewing in my mind, I've been really analyzing how I spend my time. Do Anna and Levi have my attention while they're awake? When am I crossing over from relaxing down-time to brain-draining wasting time? Am I productive with the time I'm online? Are my priorities right? Are household matters getting attention before my personal entertainment? Am I pulling my weight in our marriage and parenting duties?

I used to devote quite a bit of time to reading the news. But on that day that I read about the rapes in Congo, I thought, "What good is this doing? What on earth can I do for those women, for that country?" I said many prayers for the Congo that day, but it was truly draining to feel the weight of those wrongs all day and feel helpless to do anything about it. There are others who can act. World leaders, church leaders-- it's their job to know about these things and decide how to act, and what aid can be given.

But my job is to provide a peaceful and happy home for my family. And to do that, I need will and energy. When I spend to much time online (reading the news or otherwise), reading magazines, shopping, or watching TV, I can feel that energy being suck away by the world, into its problems and injustices, into self-doubt, into wanting what I don't need, into thinking I need to do or be more than I am.

So more and more I am exercising my will and closing my browser. In the time I used to spend on the news or blogs, I do family search indexing. All the parenting magazines get a quick browse for helpful articles (like one I recently found with FABULOUS ideas for teaching toddlers about all sorts of things) and then get tossed in the recycle bin. I've unsubscribed from about a dozen email lists.

I can tell things are getting better. I am saying yes more often. Anna's happier, I'm happier. I create more, sew more, cook more, and have more fun doing it. Anna's more polite and helping with chores and becoming amazingly creative.

We're no where near ideal yet. I still slip into vegetation and have plenty of bad habits yet to be tamed and broken. But it feels so good to know I'm on the right track.

Julie Beck said, "Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

I feel the power and I'm starting to know.

let's go running

2010-09-02T14:34:00.003-05:00

I'm running a 5K on October 2nd. I thought it might motivate me to start up a regular exercise routine, which it (mostly) has. And I'm loving running through Acton Town Forest and around Nara Park.

This is not me, obviously, nor is it in Acton. But it is a runner, and it is in Groton, which is very near Acton and this provides an accurate visual aid for showing you the beautiful scenery I get to experience on my runs.

My mothering/running/fitness-blogging friend Lizzie is joining me in spirit and will be running near her home in Brooklyn. She's encouraging the rest of us (or the rest of YOU, rather) to jump on the running in October bandwagon. Or walking in October. I truly believe almost anyone can finish a 5K with little to no training, and with a month to prepare, you can do even better. So what do you say? Are you with me?

Does it ever seem like all I do is post about all my friends' good ideas? Maybe because I do. I feel much more comfortable as a cheerleader and loyal supporter than instigator.

Jesus loves Anna

2010-09-01T14:07:00.005-05:00

My friend Jocelyn is kicking off 30 days of blogging about The Family: A Proclamation to the World today. She's invited anyone to join her, and after reading today's post, it got me thinking about how I'm teaching my family these old-fashioned (ancient, honored, time-tested) ideas.

On Monday, for Family Home Evening, we finished up learning all the verses of Book of Mormon Stories.* The last verse is about Jesus Christ visiting the Americas and how He blessed all the little children there.

We all went into a dark room and I told Anna about how it was dark and scary, but then the people saw a light descending from the sky. And when I turned on the light, I had a picture of Jesus. I then showed her a picture of Jesus blessing the little children. I said, "Jesus loves little children like you."

Anna then said, "Jesus loves Anna. Jesus loves Mommy. Jesus loves Daddy. Jesus loves Levi." And now when I turn on a light in a dark room, she says, "Jesus brings light!" I am so glad my daughter knows Jesus loves her and will be a light in dark places.

In the Proclamation it says, "All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny." My daughter knows this.

*Thanks to Rachel Frame for planning out dozens of FHE ideas for toddlers and preschoolers. If you know Rachel, you've got to ask her for her ideas for kids. They're perfect.

canobie lake park

2010-08-24T20:38:00.010-05:00

The weekend after we moved here, Sam's work had an employee day at a small local amusement park called Canobie Lake Park. It only cost $20 for all 4 of us to go and included a surprisingly good lunch of burgers, bbq chicken, corn, watermelon, and ice cream. Anna, however, didn't eat anything because she could see the big swings that spin around in a circle and was mesmerized.

So, once Sam and I ate, we headed off. It took a lot of convincing to get Anna to wait in line for the first ride, the sky coaster, but she loved to see the "yeshi" (her all purpose word for when she doesn't know the name of something), or Star Blaster ride that shot people up in the air on a tall tower. A month later, Anna will still say, out of the blue, "It was fun to see the star blaster!!!!"

Once on the ride, Anna loved it, though Sam said his stomach was in knots as Anna wanted to sit on the very edge of the bench and would push away Sam's hands whenever he tried to hold on to her. (A note about the pictures: of course Anna fell and scraped her face on the way home from the pool the morning of this little trip when I had intended to take a lot of pictures)

After all of us rode on the antique cars, we discovered the little kid rides. Anna seemed a little wary at first, but once she saw she could ride in a boat, she was convinced. It took her a while to warm up. All the other kids were turning the steering wheels and ringing the bells on the boats, but Anna mostly just sat there with her thumb in her mouth and only gave half-hearted waves after hearing us say, "Wave hi, Anna!!!" as enthusiastically as possible. Still, she loved it, and rode every single ride in that section of the park. We loved it at first, too and flashed tons of pictures, but Sam and I soon got bored and I think even Anna got a little jaded after a while once she realized that every single ride was the same (sit in a boat/jeep/bus/plane/horse and ride in a circle). Here are some of the better pictures and some video.

If you open this picture larger, you'll see that if you push and pull the bar you go up and down. I wouldn't say Anna got the hang of it, but she did manage to move herself around more than some older kids whose helicopters just sat on the ground the whole ride.

Once she got tired of it, she and I rode the train around the park and then Sam got in line behind a guy from work to get on a mini-rollercoaster. I was so excited for Anna to ride it, but the line was taking forever, so I had her ride the mini-swings. She begged to go on them again, but I thought Sam was getting close to the front of the line. We went to check, but there was still time, so I took her on the kids version of the star blaster called the Froggy Jumper. Anna laughed and laughed the whole time as it bounced up and down.

Finally, Sam was close to the front, so I sent Anna up to stand with him. Right before it was their turn to get on, she hit her head on one of the rails and went nuts. Sam tried to console her, but there was no way she was getting on that little dragon ride, so we brought her down and headed for the exit. She was hot and tired and hungry, so we gave her water and crackers and she watched the boat ride go back and forth while I fed Levi. Every time the people on the ride would scream, Anna would go, "Woooaaah!" too. It was very cute.

On the way out, when she was feeling better, we passed a little log ride that I thought she should ride. It turned out to be the most boring ride on earth as the logs followed a path of barely moving water at about 1/2 a mile an hour. All the dads in line kept sarcastically telling their kids not to be frightened and mocking the ride in any way they could, and Anna was certainly confused on the point of her sitting on the log, but it appeased my desire for her to go on one more ride, so I'm glad we did it.

This is what Levi looked like when he wasn't sleeping.

It's certainly no Cedar Point, and definitely not worth the $30 per person regular admission fee, but it was the perfect outing for our little family. I also have to admit that Sam and I were pretty proud of Anna for being a little daredevil for trying and loving every ride. We're looking forward to next year's trip.

mom brain

2010-08-22T20:36:00.002-05:00

Had me a good chuckle when I read this. Read the comments for more symptoms.

PS-- is there anybody else out there who can't ever think of the word "chuckle" in the same way after Liz Lemon's sandwich with extra chuckle on 30 Rock last season?

PPS-- someday there will be a real post again on this blog. promise.

a disappointment

2010-08-18T15:36:00.001-05:00

I just saw that the Friendly's Brownie Sundae Xtreme ice cream I just bought is actually "frozen dairy dessert."

Oh, Bluebell, how I miss thee!