tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post6600002202055856639..comments2024-03-28T14:20:31.769-05:00Comments on Cosbys in Cahoots: change (part 4)heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01216566053869767069noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-40153969713940233412011-11-14T17:50:11.151-06:002011-11-14T17:50:11.151-06:00Kudos to you for acknowledging your feelings and d...Kudos to you for acknowledging your feelings and doing something about it. Wishing you the best of luck in working through it all. Lots of love-CathCath and co.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16849926413692939926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-69252760794473935732011-11-14T12:31:55.586-06:002011-11-14T12:31:55.586-06:00Heather - You are so brave to share this. You prob...Heather - You are so brave to share this. You probably will have many people you know who will benefit from your story and honesty. I know. When I went through a very dark period of depression - nobody even knew. I guess my pride wouldn't allow me to let that wall down. I was honestly embarrassed to ask for help. It took a lot for me to get to that point. I wish I would have had someone whom I could relate to back then. I hope that the therapy helps and that you will one day wake up and find the struggles diminishing. I don't remember exactly when things changed for me, but I do know that I just strived on giving my sorrows and pain over to the Lord. I didn't understand how to fix it, or how it could even be fixed, but I found that he took my pain away when I learned to trust in Him over the things I had no control over. Thank you for being brave. Your voice makes a difference.Leighannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09530801931922228774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-24493952218779714732011-11-14T12:16:50.132-06:002011-11-14T12:16:50.132-06:00This has sparked a lot of thoughts for me, and res...This has sparked a lot of thoughts for me, and resonated with many feelings I've had in the last 1+ year of being a mother. I'm going to check out Staal's book (although it may take some courage to read it because sometimes I feel like it's just easier not to think about these things rather than try to sort them out...)Erin Gonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00885934413382895072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-77871943901965260582011-11-14T07:22:45.176-06:002011-11-14T07:22:45.176-06:00Rereading my original comment, it came across as s...Rereading my original comment, it came across as seeming kind of heartless. A lot of times it seems to me people want to know what my advice would be when they really would just like me to reassure them that they're doing okay. Which of course, you are, and its very sensible of you to try to understand why you feel the way you do instead of waiting for it to build up to a crisis like most of us do.Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15141040566131538098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-775288390978029952011-11-14T06:50:18.476-06:002011-11-14T06:50:18.476-06:00I absolutely love what you wrote in your journal a...I absolutely love what you wrote in your journal and shared a the end of the post. I think it is so very true! <br />I wish I could go see a counselor for free, I think we would all be better off if we could! Addie and I went together to a therapist this summer and I felt like we both learned so much (and made such positive changes) from the experience. Lately I've been wishing we could start going again because it has been rough<br />(but ours is not free unfortunately). <br />Being a mother is definitely a hard, hard thing and I definitely worry sometimes that I'm doing a terrible job. I know I get angry and impatient too easily and just wish everything would be easier!<br />You are SO amazing Heather! I was always impressed by how smart you are and how much you have and do accomplish and what a great mom you are. Thanks for sharing your journey during this time, I for one have learned a lot through it and really appreciate it!Marcihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04472908282219245038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-9397815377673924142011-11-14T06:01:24.431-06:002011-11-14T06:01:24.431-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15141040566131538098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-2023290253512777412011-11-14T05:51:18.601-06:002011-11-14T05:51:18.601-06:00It sounds like what you are asking for is a way to...It sounds like what you are asking for is a way to change your basic desires to better fit with the situation you're in, so that you can feel satisfied and at peace.<br />Maybe here's a different way to look at things. <br />Changing desires is a funny thing. In a certain sense, our wants are who we are. If you think about Saturday morning cartoons where someone is hypnotized to have a different set of desires, it's never a good thing.<br />Discomfort with a situation is a kind of potential energy that drives us to make changes to the world. If everyone could change themselves to feel comfortable with their lot in life, we'd all be more comfortable, but the world would stagnate.<br />Reading your blog, it seems like you want to want these things because you've been told that you should. But when people give advice about what the ideal family life should be, they're pretty much describing the prevailing picture of an ideal family from their childhoods. It's not the ideal family of Abraham and Sarah's time, or Mary and Joseph's time they are describing, right? It's not some eternal constant. And in the future, as more and more jobs can be handled by machines, society will have to change again.<br />People aren't adapted to the world very well. We keep changing the world faster than our instincts and bodies can keep up. It would be a wonder if you did feel settled.<br />So if you were to ask this question: "what is it I really want, and how can I get more of it?" what would you answer? You want peace, but that comes from having the life you want. So I would suggest instead of changing your wants (which is hard and kind of creepy) you change your life.<br />Do you want more intellectual stimulation? How about running scientifically valid observational child psychology experiments on your kids?<br />Do you want more conversations with other adults? How about hiring a babysitter and going out with friends? <br />Do you want a part time or full time job? You could do that. Most people do.<br />There really isn't any way that your life is supposed to be. The hard part is figuring out what you want and how to get it.Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15141040566131538098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-27527565354680994492011-11-13T23:15:26.116-06:002011-11-13T23:15:26.116-06:00I also admire you for writing it down, and for see...I also admire you for writing it down, and for seeing a therapist. It can be hard work to go through therapy, but I have certainly become better for it. I agree that having somebody to talk to who is entirely outside the situation is really important. <br /><br />You probably heard that I sold a short story to a pretty high profile anthology last week. I was thinking about why it mattered so much since I've seen my name in print lots of times. I finally decided that it was that a group of total strangers said, "This person's contribution is one of the best we've seen, and people will think we're cool if we publish it." <br /><br />Motherhood is the most important job around, but you don't get recognition like that every day from the crying toddlers. I was very gratifying to be reminded that people value me for more than my ability to change diapers, and that when I'm not changing diapers all the time any more, I'll still have something to offer the world. I know it sounds silly, but I do kind of wonder sometimes, you know? <br /><br />It has made it a lot easier to go back to changing diapers to know that there are totally people out there who would happily pay me to do any number of other things, but I'm not even looking for them, because THIS is what I've chosen for my life right now, and those other things will still be there later.<br /><br />I love you. Good luck with everything.<br /><br />KarenKaren Ahlstromhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08494601453714239376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759842.post-64113877424120279192011-11-13T21:32:12.147-06:002011-11-13T21:32:12.147-06:00Heather- I admire you for writing all this down an...Heather- I admire you for writing all this down and letting all of your readers in on how you are feeling. I have many down days (and hours and minutes), but no one knows. I don't feel like I could begin to express what I am feeling inside...so when I see someone who is doing just that...kudos to you.Kirsta and Morianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05836633008278027379noreply@blogger.com